Nothing is simple in life and doubley so at the little clinic by the big lake. Last night we had two major lightening storms, two sick patients and two helicopter flights out of here. It is quite weird watching lightening strike around the clinic, watching the power go out and then calling to launch a helicopter. "This too shall pass,'" we say when it comes to storms.
My first patient had 6 surgeries in the past year and half and now had a hot red abdomen. I'm thinking that I would be the cause of number 7. And {ding} I was right. Just as I left to go home, the phone rang for me to come back and check out a young woman having chest pain. Dodging lightening on the way to the clinic, I'm thinking, "nothing flying tonight." Nope, wrong. Storm passes, helicopter lands, and off she goes. She was a mystery to us and a mystery to the cardiologist in Idaho Falls.
Noone wants to leave the Park. They waited for ever and paid a lot of money for this trip. Plus Aunt Blabby from East Dearsperm Nebraska, who never leaves her house, has consented to come here to see her long lost nephew who joined the Latvian Merchant Marines at age 8 who has come to Jellystone to "reconnect with his family." Unfortunatly, Uncle Blabby has had the big one and needs to go. Uncle B doesn't want to ruin the Blabby family's vacation. And so the negotiation starts. Where to send him, how to send him. No, you can't drive your motorhome back to Nebraska. No, we can't fly you to the Mayo clinic (actual request). No, I can't rent you an oxygen tank for a week so that you don't turn blue walking to the bathroom (actual request). All y'all-we are at 8,00 feet. Not the place to come with your emphysema..I'm just sayin'...
and the time is ( we are +4.5 hours GMT)
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
4 wheel drive? not so much...
Finally a moment to catch up. Well sort of. We have been here a little over a month. Running around, looking at wildlife, seeing up our little apartment and me trying to learn my new job.
We have been driving around checking the place out so that we can be good tour guides for our guests. We have done very little hiking due to snow and bears. You have to take the bear warnings seriously as there are some serious bears out there. Mostly females with cubs. And they aren't crazy about you coming close to their offspring. Like a Momma Grizzly guarding her cubs, except this IS a momma grizzly guarding her cubs. Sarah Palin, are you listening? Probably not.
Anyway, we were driving around and came across a small patch of snow. "Time to test out this new all wheel drive vehicle that I bought," says I. What's the worst that could happen? Wait for it...yup I got stuck. Turns out that two wheels of the four turn, the two that didn't touch the asphalt. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I got stuck on a 6 by 6 patch of snow. Well, to be fair to me, snow and ice. E and I had to dig our selves out. Fortunately, a nice Australian couple happened by and video'd the operation. Just as I was behind the wheel and E was digging. Really, I had been digging. The Aussies didn't believe me though. They laughed and gave us some wood to put under the turning wheels. Took awhile, but we got out. Rough work at 8,000 feet. Well, for E anyway. I was driving as she dug...
We have been driving around checking the place out so that we can be good tour guides for our guests. We have done very little hiking due to snow and bears. You have to take the bear warnings seriously as there are some serious bears out there. Mostly females with cubs. And they aren't crazy about you coming close to their offspring. Like a Momma Grizzly guarding her cubs, except this IS a momma grizzly guarding her cubs. Sarah Palin, are you listening? Probably not.
Anyway, we were driving around and came across a small patch of snow. "Time to test out this new all wheel drive vehicle that I bought," says I. What's the worst that could happen? Wait for it...yup I got stuck. Turns out that two wheels of the four turn, the two that didn't touch the asphalt. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I got stuck on a 6 by 6 patch of snow. Well, to be fair to me, snow and ice. E and I had to dig our selves out. Fortunately, a nice Australian couple happened by and video'd the operation. Just as I was behind the wheel and E was digging. Really, I had been digging. The Aussies didn't believe me though. They laughed and gave us some wood to put under the turning wheels. Took awhile, but we got out. Rough work at 8,000 feet. Well, for E anyway. I was driving as she dug...
Friday, May 11, 2012
Bison and eagles and bears...oh my.
After three days on amazingly straight roads we arrived at Yellowstone. As we looked at the GPS it was one straight ribbon until we turned left in Nevada and headed for Idaho. A more boring road couldn't of been had.
We had a great Cinco de Mayo dinner in Idaho Falls and won the raffle. Unfortunately our car is packed to the gills, we had to buy groceries and had no room. So we gave our basket of goodies to the table next to us.
We are hear in our little apartment that is great about 800 square feet. Two bedrooms and the most amazing view. It is exactly one minute from the clinic.
We had a welcome dinner and have started orientation on Tuesday. I think my head my explode. On Tuesday night we had a helicopter orientation and I won a helicopter ride around the Lake. It's too bad that they don't have the lottery here; I am on a roll.
We had to make a mad dash to Cody, Wyoming to buy more groceries. It's an hour and a half each way. A beautiful drive and Cody is very nice. They have a brand new library which is amazing. They charge 15-25 dollars for a library card for us "out of towners." We said that we'd think about it.
Eilen has seen two grizzlies. I have seen one. There is Bison poop everywhere. Where there is poop there is Bison. It is pitch black at night and apparently there is one that likes to sleep outside of the clinic. Haven't "run " in to him yet. Guess I'll buy more flashlight on our next run to Cody...
We had a great Cinco de Mayo dinner in Idaho Falls and won the raffle. Unfortunately our car is packed to the gills, we had to buy groceries and had no room. So we gave our basket of goodies to the table next to us.
We are hear in our little apartment that is great about 800 square feet. Two bedrooms and the most amazing view. It is exactly one minute from the clinic.
We had a welcome dinner and have started orientation on Tuesday. I think my head my explode. On Tuesday night we had a helicopter orientation and I won a helicopter ride around the Lake. It's too bad that they don't have the lottery here; I am on a roll.
We had to make a mad dash to Cody, Wyoming to buy more groceries. It's an hour and a half each way. A beautiful drive and Cody is very nice. They have a brand new library which is amazing. They charge 15-25 dollars for a library card for us "out of towners." We said that we'd think about it.
Eilen has seen two grizzlies. I have seen one. There is Bison poop everywhere. Where there is poop there is Bison. It is pitch black at night and apparently there is one that likes to sleep outside of the clinic. Haven't "run " in to him yet. Guess I'll buy more flashlight on our next run to Cody...
Saturday, May 5, 2012
The over/under on...packing
Greetings from Winnemucca, Nevada, one third of the way to Yellowstone National Park. Me and E or E and I or e,i,e,i,o...are off on adventure #2. I am going to work at the Lake Yellowstone clinic and E will look at wolfs and bison and bears and oh my. We packed the car yesterday within an inch of its life and headed to Manteca We went to see Mum and Dad where Dad informed us that there should be a doctor at the clinic "not just you." Ah with support like that, how could I go wrong. Thanks dad.
We stoppes at Cabellas, just outside of Reno which is an amazing hunting/camping/fishing store complete with huge aquarium and stuffed dead things. We went to by bear spray which I tried on the stuffed bear there and seemed to work pretty well. Stopped him in dead his tracks. Actually I think that his still in that same position. This stuff works great!
The car has Sirius satellite radio which is great beause there are two sations here. One is "Godtalk" and the other is country. Which is two more than in Yellowstone. We listened to "Willie's Roadhouse" hoping to hear "on the road again."
Traditional bad joke-Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a car?
He was playing on the road again... {groan}
We stoppes at Cabellas, just outside of Reno which is an amazing hunting/camping/fishing store complete with huge aquarium and stuffed dead things. We went to by bear spray which I tried on the stuffed bear there and seemed to work pretty well. Stopped him in dead his tracks. Actually I think that his still in that same position. This stuff works great!
The car has Sirius satellite radio which is great beause there are two sations here. One is "Godtalk" and the other is country. Which is two more than in Yellowstone. We listened to "Willie's Roadhouse" hoping to hear "on the road again."
Traditional bad joke-Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a car?
He was playing on the road again... {groan}
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Packing pre-adventure
I have been asked to continue this...whatever this is...for Yellowstone. So here goes. We leave Friday for the 1000 mile drive in the new car. What was it the Chinese say about a journey of a thousand miles? It begins with...a trip to Uhaul for boxes.
I'm thinking that the rocket attack part of the blog will be missing. I'm hoping that it will not be replaced with the bear attack alarm, but one never knows. The living room is full of boxes, some half packed. I am sure two things will happen:
1. We will send back stuff that we didn't need.
2. We sill say," damn we should of brought ..."
But there is Cody, Wyoming just a mere 85 miles away to buy stuff we need. The speed limit in the Park is 45mph. You do the math.
I'm thinking that the rocket attack part of the blog will be missing. I'm hoping that it will not be replaced with the bear attack alarm, but one never knows. The living room is full of boxes, some half packed. I am sure two things will happen:
1. We will send back stuff that we didn't need.
2. We sill say," damn we should of brought ..."
But there is Cody, Wyoming just a mere 85 miles away to buy stuff we need. The speed limit in the Park is 45mph. You do the math.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Kandahar comes to the Bay Area (well, not really)
So, I buy a new car. I bid a sad farewell to the Explorer, that has served me well for these past 16 years and 318,000 miles, and downsize to a Ford Escape. OK, maybe it was time for a new car. Have to have something reliable to get us to Yellowstone and maybe a little more fuel effiicent. But this is San Francisco, so the passenger window was broken out and stuff was stolen. All can be replaced. It had its cherry popped. Got the broken window out of the way, time to move on with life in the big City. I called the insurance comopany and they set up an appointment for the following Tuesday. So the car goes in the garage and E's car goes on the street, causing me sleepless nights thinking that her window was next. I asked for a Monday appointment but was told that they have to order the part because the car was new. The part will be there on Tuesday. OK, public transit and borrowing of cars until Tuesday. Tuesday comes. I have to drive to South San Francisco because the Fourth Street place has closed. Window down, heater blazing and I am off. I arrive early and take a seat in the office. Finally someone come and signs me in. I sign the work order and the guy asks if I am going to wait, or should he call me or am I going to "wander around?" I chose wander around. He takes my cell number and says that he will call in an hour to an hour and a half when the job is done. No worries. I begin my wandering. I stop at a tile shop and check out bathroom tile for the remodeel that will happen post Yellowstone and then make my way to downtown South City. I find their very nice old library and take a seat to read the Chronicle. Half way through Doonesbery my phone vibrates and I notice it's Safelite glass. Hmmmmm. My hour isn't up yet. I whisper "Hello" in the phone, the voice on the other end informs me that they can't find the glass in the shop. They have to order it. It will be here tomorrow. This is Tuesday, glass will be there Wednesday. The appointment was scheduled for Tuesday so that the glass would be here. On, say it with me, Tuesday!!! Do I want the car or leave it? Leave it, it'll be safer in your shop. I see a bus and ask the driver about getting to CALTRAIN. He says I have to walk four blocks and get a ride to the San Mateo Station, which is South. I then realize that at the end of the block is the overpass that will take me to the South City station. I hike down there and wait. There are a bunch of Giants fans waiting for a train to take the North to AT&T Park. I call CALTRAIN and ask for the next North bound train that will stop at 22nd street, my stop. "AT 5:05," the lady says. That's 40 minutes from now. I ask her if that's the only train, she confirms that yes, it is. Five minutes later a North bound train stops. I figure that I'll get on and get off at the end of the line at King street and take a bus home. The conducter announces the next two stops. The second stop is 22nd street. "Seriously, are you fucking kiding me?!" I say out loud. Luckily this train is going to San Francisco, so they are used to crazy people cursing to themselves.Two stops later, I am at my stop. 10 minutes later, another train stops. It is not quite 5:05 yet. I am temted to call teh CALTRAIN lady back and offer to get her a copy of the schedule that I took from the train. Or offer her a job in Afghanistan. She'd fit right in...
one last story (maybe)
During the last three days in country, I started backing off my involvement in the morning meetings. JP was there and it was becoming his clinic. However I have to tell you this: I came in and sat down and noticed three new older gentlemen in the meeting. People come and go and I rarely know who's new, they just show up or they are fire medics going on R and R and I have no idea who they are. But here where these three guys siting in our meeting. The meeting starts and Karki announces that we are going to have a safety talk. I prefer the safety dance, but that's another story. Anyway I'm all for safety so bring it on. So one of the guys stands up and starts talking about crane safety. The big cranes that drive around the base. I'm thinking,OK, how to be careful around these things, so shit don;'t get dropped on you." Nope, it's how to drive them safely. More specifically, it's how to get in and out of them. Three point contact at all times (take home point). Avoid falling out of them. Gravity is a bitch. All I could think was,"do these guys know that we are the medical clinic and rarely drive a billion ton crane?" The sad part was that we all just listened politely, nodded our heads occasionally and thanked them for coming. No one said a thing about the fact that we really don't need this lecture. We are just trained to do what they tell us. The medical sheep. Sheep who drive cranes.
But, if I ever get in and out of one, I am ready...
But, if I ever get in and out of one, I am ready...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Maybe I can just use the rocks in my head...
When I came here a year ago someone told me to bring some "mud boots." That was one of the best suggestions ever. We live on a dirt base. Very few paved roads here. When it rains it turns in to a mud base. With flooding. And rocket attacks.
The temperature has dropped down to 28 degrees in the morning and the big puddle that has formed in the front of the clinic between the physical exam tent and the bathrooms has turned into a skating rink.
A muddy, semi-frozen skating rink, causing two people to fall. The problem is a low spot and a shortage of rocks that we have in our driveway. We requested more rock in December but it was denied. No acceptable. I was on a mission, get more rocks. I went to the head of the safety department and explained the problem. "Get more rocks," he said. Then he called the Site Manager for rocks. Off I went to her office. She barley speaks english. Great. "no rock," she says in her Russian accent."Risk management has rock." Thank you Natasha. Say hello to Boris. "Why do lawyers have rocks?" I wondered. Of course they do, this is Afghanistan. Off I went to risk management. "I need rocks," says I. "Why would we have rocks?," the lawyers asked. "Why wouldn't you?" I replied. I explained the situation. Told them that I was sent by the site manger here. To look for Bullwinkle, I mean Rocky, I mean rocks. We'll be over later to check it out they said. Later that afternoon a lawyer showed up, looked at the situation and declared, "you need more rocks." No shit, Perry Mason. He advised me to order some and tell them that safety and risk management says that we need rocks. He then told me that they, the lawyers, didn't have rocks but had dirt at one time. More dirt? More mud. Thanks for the advise, counselor, you may go.
Order was put in for rocks. And denied. They don't have any rocks. We are in the middle of a desert and we have no rocks! Turns out the rocks are kept by our competition, Dyncorp only smooths out the rocks but you have to bring your own rocks. BYOR. We have rocks, I've seen them. They're everywhere. I engage my Kiwi spy. "Get rocks," I say. "Roger,"he says. Actually it was more like "Rogahh" and threw in a mate or two. Yesterday after lunch, rocks arrived. Didn't ask where he got them. But we had both seen a huge pile of rocks on the other side of the base. Probably just a coincidence. We went and got shovels and spread them out, eliminated our mini-me poo pond and skating rink. I was so happy.
A member of management happened by and said," see Mark, I told you that we would get you rocks, you just had to go through official channels."
I will leave to your imagination what my reply was.
The temperature has dropped down to 28 degrees in the morning and the big puddle that has formed in the front of the clinic between the physical exam tent and the bathrooms has turned into a skating rink.
A muddy, semi-frozen skating rink, causing two people to fall. The problem is a low spot and a shortage of rocks that we have in our driveway. We requested more rock in December but it was denied. No acceptable. I was on a mission, get more rocks. I went to the head of the safety department and explained the problem. "Get more rocks," he said. Then he called the Site Manager for rocks. Off I went to her office. She barley speaks english. Great. "no rock," she says in her Russian accent."Risk management has rock." Thank you Natasha. Say hello to Boris. "Why do lawyers have rocks?" I wondered. Of course they do, this is Afghanistan. Off I went to risk management. "I need rocks," says I. "Why would we have rocks?," the lawyers asked. "Why wouldn't you?" I replied. I explained the situation. Told them that I was sent by the site manger here. To look for Bullwinkle, I mean Rocky, I mean rocks. We'll be over later to check it out they said. Later that afternoon a lawyer showed up, looked at the situation and declared, "you need more rocks." No shit, Perry Mason. He advised me to order some and tell them that safety and risk management says that we need rocks. He then told me that they, the lawyers, didn't have rocks but had dirt at one time. More dirt? More mud. Thanks for the advise, counselor, you may go.
Order was put in for rocks. And denied. They don't have any rocks. We are in the middle of a desert and we have no rocks! Turns out the rocks are kept by our competition, Dyncorp only smooths out the rocks but you have to bring your own rocks. BYOR. We have rocks, I've seen them. They're everywhere. I engage my Kiwi spy. "Get rocks," I say. "Roger,"he says. Actually it was more like "Rogahh" and threw in a mate or two. Yesterday after lunch, rocks arrived. Didn't ask where he got them. But we had both seen a huge pile of rocks on the other side of the base. Probably just a coincidence. We went and got shovels and spread them out, eliminated our mini-me poo pond and skating rink. I was so happy.
A member of management happened by and said," see Mark, I told you that we would get you rocks, you just had to go through official channels."
I will leave to your imagination what my reply was.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Well, it is a general ORDER, not a suggestion
"General Order No.1B (GO No.1B) is enforced at KAF. Among other things, GO No.1B prohibits the possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages and/or nonprescription drugs, possession of pornography and entering sleeping quarters of the opposite gender. These are serious offenses and the consequences are severe."
This place is all about rules. For some reason, some people have a problem with that. Four in the last month to be exact. And some went for the trifecta and broke three at the same time! So one person shacked up with another person, even though that person was married. And kept her in his quarters in full view of everybody else. Dumbass. He is gone.
Two people have been "doing it" but they are not married and were kind of doing it on the down low, except they wouldn't answer their phones during the day because they were, well "busy." Then they found alcohol on the base. Those silly Russians and their need for "wod-ka." And drove a vehicle. And put the vehicle in a ditch. And were found by the IMPs. And one was taken onto custody. So they are gone. Double dumb asses. They are now banned from doing anymore contracting work or even entering a US military base anywhere in the world. You can't make this shit up. That's ok, there are plenty of jobs back in the US. Oh, wait no there's not. Dumb asses...
A week and a wake up. Oh, wait, I'm already up.
So, I'm back at KAF. Sitting next to me on my bed are two big boxes that I have to figure out how to get to the Post Office to mail home with all the junk that I have collected over the last year. They keep changing the rules. First rule change was only Americans can use the post office. So if you are a foreign national with stuff to mail home, too bad. Now they don't take cash. Or credit cards or ATM cards. Just wampam and baseball trading cards, I guess. Actually they take the "Eagle Cash card," the military version of an ATM. Which I don't have. So drug deals are being dealt even as we speak. I am trading a ride in my new shiny red SUV (still a Toyota four runner) for use of a card. But someone at the clinic loaned me one also. Except he gave me the wrong pin number. I tested it at the PX, just in case. Thank God. Would of been just a little embarrassing at ye ole Post Office. Sir, we need you to go with these nice men with guns..."
I flew back from Dwyer on the Dash-8, which is a step up from the Dash-7. Only two engines, much nicer and quieter. Was going to be a five hour flight but one of our stops was fogged in, bummer. So I got back in a reasonable amount of time. We did have to stop for fuel, however. Usually they empty the plane, we go to the terminal, pee, get something to eat and re-board. This time we went to the "new terminal." Except there was no terminal, so we just stood out in the rain. No bathroom, nothing to eat. Standing in the rain makes you have to pee even more for some reason. So, after we boarded the lavatory became quite popular. The lone flight attendant was quite the neat freak. After every passenger went in there she dashed in with cleaning supplies. The plane was immaculate, which is hard to do in Afghanistan.
I am calling it "the dash on the Dash." Which is better than Bill had, when he tried to get here to go on R and R, when he missed his flight here because he went to the wrong terminal and had to make the dash FOR the dash. Which he lost and ended up with a cold helicopter ride instead.
I flew back from Dwyer on the Dash-8, which is a step up from the Dash-7. Only two engines, much nicer and quieter. Was going to be a five hour flight but one of our stops was fogged in, bummer. So I got back in a reasonable amount of time. We did have to stop for fuel, however. Usually they empty the plane, we go to the terminal, pee, get something to eat and re-board. This time we went to the "new terminal." Except there was no terminal, so we just stood out in the rain. No bathroom, nothing to eat. Standing in the rain makes you have to pee even more for some reason. So, after we boarded the lavatory became quite popular. The lone flight attendant was quite the neat freak. After every passenger went in there she dashed in with cleaning supplies. The plane was immaculate, which is hard to do in Afghanistan.
I am calling it "the dash on the Dash." Which is better than Bill had, when he tried to get here to go on R and R, when he missed his flight here because he went to the wrong terminal and had to make the dash FOR the dash. Which he lost and ended up with a cold helicopter ride instead.
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The "Dsh-8" |
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The less cool"dash-7" |
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
On the road again...
I have 13 days left in country and I leave for KAF tomorrow. I was really hoping to fly in the Russian
MI-8 helicopter but I am on the fixed wing aircraft. It is a one hour flight. Of course, this is Afghanistan and it will take 6 hours to get there. Leave at 11 and arrive at 4. Ugh.
Every day is "Groundhog day" here but even more so at Dwyer. Same thing everyday. But with good food. No restaurants, no meetings to attend. Nothing. I get to the clinic at 6 and leave at 10:00 at night. With eating in between. Everything is grey or sand colored. I will never order anything "earth tone," ever. Blue red, green, anything with color.. I am actually glad to go back to KAF. "Going to Rocket city, Rocket city here I come..."
Plans continue for London, with a side trip to Paris. I owe E a trip. So we have a flat and a plan and yeehah.
I interviewed for a seasonal position at Yellowstone National Park, they were on Central Time and I was here, so a little challange. I figured out that they were a half an hour ahead. (plus 12).
We'll see.
Ok, time for one more Rootbeer float...
MI-8 helicopter but I am on the fixed wing aircraft. It is a one hour flight. Of course, this is Afghanistan and it will take 6 hours to get there. Leave at 11 and arrive at 4. Ugh.
Every day is "Groundhog day" here but even more so at Dwyer. Same thing everyday. But with good food. No restaurants, no meetings to attend. Nothing. I get to the clinic at 6 and leave at 10:00 at night. With eating in between. Everything is grey or sand colored. I will never order anything "earth tone," ever. Blue red, green, anything with color.. I am actually glad to go back to KAF. "Going to Rocket city, Rocket city here I come..."
Plans continue for London, with a side trip to Paris. I owe E a trip. So we have a flat and a plan and yeehah.
I interviewed for a seasonal position at Yellowstone National Park, they were on Central Time and I was here, so a little challange. I figured out that they were a half an hour ahead. (plus 12).
We'll see.
Ok, time for one more Rootbeer float...
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I'm fixin' to write me a blog
20 days and London Bound. 6 days and back to KAF. Lots going on there, but I will not be participating. Stuff I started but have to cover here so, you're on own, Kandahar.
Everyone loves Dwyer. It's quiet. But quiet also equals boring. Nothing to do. But eat. And eat I am. So I hang out in the clinic until about 10:00 watching a movie and then off to my tent and bed. Being better about slamming the door. Have to hike just a little to the shower. I do miss my CHU and private internet and bathroom right next door. But no Poo Pond or rocket attacks here. The clinic is small but very nice. I have an office in the back. I get along with the Medics and we laugh a lot. They are all from the South and are trying to convert my California ways. I have to say "sumbitch" at least once a day. And "fixin to." E will not know who I am.
It has been chilly here and has snowed at some of the FOBs. I'm so glad that I brought a real jacket with me.
My latest project has to write evaluations on Medics. I had to stop because I got an email asking me why I was writing evaluations on people. "Um because you asked me to?" So I stopped. Then I created a form to use as a yearly skills check off sheets for the Medics. I was told that this was to be my top priority. We are trying to pass a JCAH inspection and I had to create a form that would pass their inspection. I think that it will. I asked about how many more we needed. The response I got said that I need to write evaluations on these people. I thought that I was doing skills check sheets. You told me to stop, so I did. No, we need evals. Sumbitch.
Then I got a list of 20 people that need skills check lists on. So I did them on those people. Then I got an email asking where their evals were. But you told me...oh, never mind.
Listen you sumbitches, I'm fixin to open a can of woop-ass on your ass. You all. Sorry, y'all.
So, what to do? Eat.
Rootbeer floats...yum.
Everyone loves Dwyer. It's quiet. But quiet also equals boring. Nothing to do. But eat. And eat I am. So I hang out in the clinic until about 10:00 watching a movie and then off to my tent and bed. Being better about slamming the door. Have to hike just a little to the shower. I do miss my CHU and private internet and bathroom right next door. But no Poo Pond or rocket attacks here. The clinic is small but very nice. I have an office in the back. I get along with the Medics and we laugh a lot. They are all from the South and are trying to convert my California ways. I have to say "sumbitch" at least once a day. And "fixin to." E will not know who I am.
It has been chilly here and has snowed at some of the FOBs. I'm so glad that I brought a real jacket with me.
My latest project has to write evaluations on Medics. I had to stop because I got an email asking me why I was writing evaluations on people. "Um because you asked me to?" So I stopped. Then I created a form to use as a yearly skills check off sheets for the Medics. I was told that this was to be my top priority. We are trying to pass a JCAH inspection and I had to create a form that would pass their inspection. I think that it will. I asked about how many more we needed. The response I got said that I need to write evaluations on these people. I thought that I was doing skills check sheets. You told me to stop, so I did. No, we need evals. Sumbitch.
Then I got a list of 20 people that need skills check lists on. So I did them on those people. Then I got an email asking where their evals were. But you told me...oh, never mind.
Listen you sumbitches, I'm fixin to open a can of woop-ass on your ass. You all. Sorry, y'all.
So, what to do? Eat.
Rootbeer floats...yum.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Mrs. Caplin, we have bad news, your son's a dumbass.Oh, you knew that already...
With the car bomb attack at KAF and some other stuff going on, we are a little on edge. Not bad, you kind of get used to it. Being a KAF'er I am well trained when it come to the rocket attack alarm. It went off here. Nobody did anything. We just figured that it was a test. And it was, kind of. Accidental alarm button push. The one thing you shouldn't do is go outside and see if it is a real attack. Like running outside during an earthquake. So, that's exactly what we did. "Nope, no attack." We looked around, saw no running Marines or things going boom, so went back about our business.
I did almost get killed though. I came out of the bathroom, turned right and almost got killed by the poop truck. Wasn't expecting it to be driving through the LSA. That's what we call living areas. Just the irony alone was almost worth getting killed for. If you're gonne die, die funny, that's my attitude. "Yeah the dumbass came out of the bathroom and got tagged by the poop truck. Shitty way to die. {mass laughter}." Actually, I was saved by the ground guide. Actually he told me to stop after I had stared death in the face. Or grill in this case. Um guys, just a note, maybe you should warn us before we're hit by the truck. I'm just sayin....
I did almost get killed though. I came out of the bathroom, turned right and almost got killed by the poop truck. Wasn't expecting it to be driving through the LSA. That's what we call living areas. Just the irony alone was almost worth getting killed for. If you're gonne die, die funny, that's my attitude. "Yeah the dumbass came out of the bathroom and got tagged by the poop truck. Shitty way to die. {mass laughter}." Actually, I was saved by the ground guide. Actually he told me to stop after I had stared death in the face. Or grill in this case. Um guys, just a note, maybe you should warn us before we're hit by the truck. I'm just sayin....
Friday, January 20, 2012
I see London, I see France...
Well in 25 days, anyway. 10 more at Camp Dwyer. Where the food is criminally good. I mentioned that having some fries to watch a movie with would be a treat and a ton of french fries arrived at the clinic. Seriously? I am surrendering to my inner fat contractor. I can't hep' it. There's nothing else to do here. There is a Green Beans Coffee shop, our version of Starbucks, which doesn't help 'cause I am , as we all know, a tea drinker. They offered to put me back in the VIP tent but I'll just stay in a regular guy tent. Has a better bed. I got yelled at for slamming the door. Didn't really slam it but there are water bottle counter weights that keep the door closed and I didn't pay attention and it slammed, a little. Really, only a little but I did get yelled at. THAT would never happen in the VIP tent. Man it's tough when you have to go slummin'. I am the king of emergencies. The EMS depatment was never so busy before I arrived. Which is fine with them, keeps their stats up.
There was a car bomb at KAF that blew up at the front gate. The details are online if you need details. I'm at Dwyer, what do I know? {wink}
There really is nothing to do here but eat. I guess that's why the food is so good. I have been to the CSH, the Army's version of the Role 3 (it's technically a Role 2) and they treat me like a real PA. Guess I should start thinking like one. Everyone asks what I'm going to do next. No idea. I was looking for a job when I found this one. Maybe some sailing. I have been lowered to "tier 3" on the disaster team. Which means if no one else can go then they'll send me. Not feeling the love. But when you haven't done any training or stood inspection in a year, your stock is bound to drop. I feel like I have been on a deployment for a year so going somewhere ain't gonna be a problem. Just need to polish my boots and get inspected. Ok, I'll pay someone to polish my boots ala "Officer and a Gentleman." But I will pass my inspection. If I could just remember where I put all of my stuff. A.I.A you know, a cousin to C.R.S. Afghanistan Induced Alzheimer's...
There was a car bomb at KAF that blew up at the front gate. The details are online if you need details. I'm at Dwyer, what do I know? {wink}
There really is nothing to do here but eat. I guess that's why the food is so good. I have been to the CSH, the Army's version of the Role 3 (it's technically a Role 2) and they treat me like a real PA. Guess I should start thinking like one. Everyone asks what I'm going to do next. No idea. I was looking for a job when I found this one. Maybe some sailing. I have been lowered to "tier 3" on the disaster team. Which means if no one else can go then they'll send me. Not feeling the love. But when you haven't done any training or stood inspection in a year, your stock is bound to drop. I feel like I have been on a deployment for a year so going somewhere ain't gonna be a problem. Just need to polish my boots and get inspected. Ok, I'll pay someone to polish my boots ala "Officer and a Gentleman." But I will pass my inspection. If I could just remember where I put all of my stuff. A.I.A you know, a cousin to C.R.S. Afghanistan Induced Alzheimer's...
Monday, January 16, 2012
VIP? Not so much...
I have been here at Dwyer a week. I have about two weeks left here then back to KAF for two weeks, then London, then home. I have been kicked out of my VIP room in the tent and placed in a smaller room with the Riff Raff. Which is fine, it is a room that one of the medics had who isn't here used. It's quieter and has a better mattress. I left a carpet that I bought and a chair from the clinic in the other room. I want the chair back. They can have the carpet. "They" being the "muckily muk" (as Karki says) that needed my room. Like most of the Medics at a fob I spend most of my time in the clinic. There is no Internet in my room or a desk so movie watching happens on my computer after hours in the clinic. Room is just for sleeping. The gate was open to the CHUs so I snuck in. There are not a lot of them. There is a ton of room for more rooms next door but getting them here is a challenge. I noticed that one of the "guest" rooms was open so I walked in. Turns out someone was staying in it. Oops, sorry. Luckily I kind of new the guy. He asked me if I needed him for something. What I wanted to say was ,"yes, I need you to move out of this CHU." But instead I mumbled something about being lost and beat a hasty retreat.
We had a serious thunderstorm come through here. Amazingly strong winds and rain. Our clinic is a tent also and it stood up to the forces of nature pretty well. The front door kept blowing open because it is attached to a string to a bottle of water as the counter weight. There's no window so in order to look outside you have to go outside. I kicked into full sailor mode and tried to lash down the string to something but there was nothing to tie it to so I just hung on for dear life until I figured out that there is a lock that I could jimmy rig from the inside. I forgot that we had sent a patient to the bathroom to give us a urine sample. Couldn't hear her knocking, nay, pounding on the door to get back in. Sorry about that, Chief. I did eventually hear her and opened the door. Th storm went on for quite awhile and it was interesting to hear it and not see it. At one on the FOBs a tent blew loose and ended up upside down on top of the clinic. He said that he now has a second story.
I woke up at 2 am last night. I was wondering why I was up that early and then realized that the Niners were playing live in San Francisco, so I donned my full surgical resident outfit of blue scrubs, blue Crocs and blue sweatshirt ( not exactly Niners colors) and headed to the clinic where we have a TV. I took my computer over to the desk and plugged it in so I could se if anyone else was watching the game. One of the Medics at KAF is a fan and sure enough, he was up and on Skype. I had ordered two vintage Forty Niner caps from Amazon and had given him one. Mine is still at KAF but is being delivered here for the next game. So I was sending Skype messages, Facebook messages and was posting on Facebook. I am so Mr. 21st century. It was very cool seeing live shots of the city and I talked to E for the last quarter. Now I feel like a VIP. I had a cup of tea instead of a beer, but life was still pretty good. And they won. I figure it must of been the hats..
We had a serious thunderstorm come through here. Amazingly strong winds and rain. Our clinic is a tent also and it stood up to the forces of nature pretty well. The front door kept blowing open because it is attached to a string to a bottle of water as the counter weight. There's no window so in order to look outside you have to go outside. I kicked into full sailor mode and tried to lash down the string to something but there was nothing to tie it to so I just hung on for dear life until I figured out that there is a lock that I could jimmy rig from the inside. I forgot that we had sent a patient to the bathroom to give us a urine sample. Couldn't hear her knocking, nay, pounding on the door to get back in. Sorry about that, Chief. I did eventually hear her and opened the door. Th storm went on for quite awhile and it was interesting to hear it and not see it. At one on the FOBs a tent blew loose and ended up upside down on top of the clinic. He said that he now has a second story.
I woke up at 2 am last night. I was wondering why I was up that early and then realized that the Niners were playing live in San Francisco, so I donned my full surgical resident outfit of blue scrubs, blue Crocs and blue sweatshirt ( not exactly Niners colors) and headed to the clinic where we have a TV. I took my computer over to the desk and plugged it in so I could se if anyone else was watching the game. One of the Medics at KAF is a fan and sure enough, he was up and on Skype. I had ordered two vintage Forty Niner caps from Amazon and had given him one. Mine is still at KAF but is being delivered here for the next game. So I was sending Skype messages, Facebook messages and was posting on Facebook. I am so Mr. 21st century. It was very cool seeing live shots of the city and I talked to E for the last quarter. Now I feel like a VIP. I had a cup of tea instead of a beer, but life was still pretty good. And they won. I figure it must of been the hats..
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Hello, my name is Mark and I am a fat contractor...
All people talk about when they come from Dwyer to KAF is the food. "The food is so good at Dwyer, blah, blah, blah." Well, I'm here to set the record straight. It is. Seriously. Baked salmon. Yum. Yakisoba. Yum. Apple pie alamode with whipped cream and Carmel sauce. Seriously? Yum. It is so easy to eat three meals a day here. And gain 40 pounds. I have to be a lean, mean, life saving machine so I am skipping dinner again. Of course, that's when they bring out the "good stuff." I don't care. I have to maintain my girlish figure. Don't want "contrator belly." They all must have small penises, 'cause nothing grows in the shade, honey.{sound of E cringing}
This was supposed to be a break for me. I have been busy since I got here. Two emergencies in a row. The crew went to dinner and left me here. I jokingly said, "I hope no sick people come in because all I know how to do is send emails." What a dumbass. I tempted the Gods. The phone rang. There is an emergency at the DFAC. I picked up my trusty radio to call EMS. They don't hear me, so I call them on the phone, and give them the info. The patient has left and is coming to your clinic, the dispatcher calls back to tell me. I look outside. Nope, nada. A few minutes later I see two people carrying a third. They have accidently spilled boiling water on his leg. Ouch. Second degree burns to his leg and foot. My Medics had heard my radio traffic and came back to the clinic. God love 'em. We cool his burns, put our special burn dressing on them and call EMS back to transport him to the Combat Support hospital (CSH, we pronounce it "Cash") Next day, same thing, this time pneumonia. I drive this one to the CSH.
Meanwhile, one of the Medics at the Fire Department is "not acting right." She fell, hit her head and has been dizzy ever since. "Take her to the CSH", I say. I drive down and meet them there. She starts talking to me, then just stops talking and gets dizzy, then talks some more. Laying down. Not good. They CT her head. All normal. The Doc says that she needs a neuro work up. No shit, Sherlock. OK, that was mean. He was very nice. I send out all the notifications, worked on getting her to KAF and then Dubai and a neurologist. I book a hotel room for her next to the hospital and we arrange for our female medic to stay with her at night.
Meanwhile, I am still doing three jobs. Dennis is supposed to be back to take his job back. He comes back but is exhausted by the trip and will have a nap and talk to me tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes. Politics and craziness ensues. This will all be in the book. Book title,"You can't make this shit up." Chapters:
1. My crazy country manager
2. Stop sexually harrassing EVERYONE
3. General order One, principals, applications, and pun-tang.
4. How to be sent home without really trying.
5. Afghanistan induced Alzheimers (AIH)
General order One, by the way, says that you can't have sex with the military. Or anyone else. Two providers apparently have not read that G.O. So we are now down two providers. Leaving me to do 4 jobs. Oh yeah, and there are two medevacs in the country. One doesn't have insurance, and is bleeding to death. So no one will take him. But, not my problem. I am at Dwyer. Those are handled at KAF and I am the Dwyer provider.
Maybe I'll go get something to eat...
This was supposed to be a break for me. I have been busy since I got here. Two emergencies in a row. The crew went to dinner and left me here. I jokingly said, "I hope no sick people come in because all I know how to do is send emails." What a dumbass. I tempted the Gods. The phone rang. There is an emergency at the DFAC. I picked up my trusty radio to call EMS. They don't hear me, so I call them on the phone, and give them the info. The patient has left and is coming to your clinic, the dispatcher calls back to tell me. I look outside. Nope, nada. A few minutes later I see two people carrying a third. They have accidently spilled boiling water on his leg. Ouch. Second degree burns to his leg and foot. My Medics had heard my radio traffic and came back to the clinic. God love 'em. We cool his burns, put our special burn dressing on them and call EMS back to transport him to the Combat Support hospital (CSH, we pronounce it "Cash") Next day, same thing, this time pneumonia. I drive this one to the CSH.
Meanwhile, one of the Medics at the Fire Department is "not acting right." She fell, hit her head and has been dizzy ever since. "Take her to the CSH", I say. I drive down and meet them there. She starts talking to me, then just stops talking and gets dizzy, then talks some more. Laying down. Not good. They CT her head. All normal. The Doc says that she needs a neuro work up. No shit, Sherlock. OK, that was mean. He was very nice. I send out all the notifications, worked on getting her to KAF and then Dubai and a neurologist. I book a hotel room for her next to the hospital and we arrange for our female medic to stay with her at night.
Meanwhile, I am still doing three jobs. Dennis is supposed to be back to take his job back. He comes back but is exhausted by the trip and will have a nap and talk to me tomorrow.
Tomorrow comes. Politics and craziness ensues. This will all be in the book. Book title,"You can't make this shit up." Chapters:
1. My crazy country manager
2. Stop sexually harrassing EVERYONE
3. General order One, principals, applications, and pun-tang.
4. How to be sent home without really trying.
5. Afghanistan induced Alzheimers (AIH)
General order One, by the way, says that you can't have sex with the military. Or anyone else. Two providers apparently have not read that G.O. So we are now down two providers. Leaving me to do 4 jobs. Oh yeah, and there are two medevacs in the country. One doesn't have insurance, and is bleeding to death. So no one will take him. But, not my problem. I am at Dwyer. Those are handled at KAF and I am the Dwyer provider.
Maybe I'll go get something to eat...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Here today, gone to Dwyer.
I am on the road again. I am doing another R and R coverage at Camp Dwyer, another Marine base. All anyone talks about, besides R and R, is how great Dwyer is. People rave about the food. And it is warranted. The talk about how quiet it is. And it is but I was expecting dead silence. Not so much. The clinic is in a tent but it's so built up that you don't realize it. I have a large office in the back, and that's pretty cool. No big deal for the flight, flew up North first over some mountains that had a smatering of snow. Then we landed at Dwyer, early, so there was no one to meet me. No big deal, I rode the bus. Arrived at the LSA (living area), checked in and was assigned a tent. With 6 of my closest friends, right in the bed next to me. Hmm, not what I was promised. So I schlepped my stuff back to the billeting office. "Call the Medics, please," I said. They arrived and explained that there was a room already arraigned for me. "Nope," came the answer. He's t-d-y." I was imagining sleeping in a transient tent for 2 weeks. Yes, I'm spoiled. Can't do 11 months in a room then take a step down. Too old, too grumpy. Time to negotiate my own deal. Which I did. Now in VIP tent Charlie 2 Bravo. And they just put in internet and a phone. Went to the PX and bought a rug. Farting thru silk. Only problem is that the tent is next to the generator and the whole tent vibrates. Good thing I have ear plugs. Also, the clinic starts later and goes later. I wake up at 5 for a 7:00 clinic. Life is one adjustment after another. And in Afghanistan, it's on steroids. Sleep late, hmm, I'll try but I'll be in the clinic Skyping. Could do it from my room now but don't want to disturb my neighbors. Most of them are on R and R but I'll just get in the habit of walking to the clinic, make my tea and skype. We'll just call it my "morning routine." 36 days and a wake up and I'll be in London. So, I'm here for two weeks then back to KAF. Of course, KAF is calling to fix problems there as well. That's my lfe. For 36 more days anyway...
Friday, January 6, 2012
39 days, a wake up and a side trip.
I am up at 0400 to do a time study for the PEC. They want us to do a 100 patients a day in our new physical exam tent. We are 8000 patients in the hole. So I am going to follow one around to see how long it takes to get through. Way scientific, no? Probably not, but it's all I can think of. Is my tea ready yet?
Saturday I am off to Camp Dwyer for two weeks of R and R coverage. All people talk about around here is going on R and R and how "great Dwyer is." "The food is better, blah blah blah."
So we shall see. It's a break from the craziness of KAF. Karki is not happy. The clinic is being left in the care of doctors. Doctors without borders, or, in some cases, a clue.
We had a New Years barbeque. Ok, it was on the third. That's when the food arrived. I invited the Role 3 crew over and the XO and Command Master Chief showed up. We marinated a brisket for a day and had chicken, hamburgers and hot dogs. It was yummy. I had the clinic scrubbed from stem to stern. Thank God that I did, everyone wanted a tour. The staff said that I did "mother in law cleaning." Apparently they have not met my mother. It was a big hit and has cemented the relationship with the them even more. Of course, they are rotating out in February as well, so we'll have to do it again in March. I'll be in an Francisco, let me know how it goes.
I though that I was allergic to the soap in my sheets. I was waking up with welts and taking benadryl to sleep. I washed them in clear (for KAF) water and it still happened. I realized that it was the fragrance in the soap that I bought, so I am back to good old fashion Zest.
Ok, my tea is ready, time to shave, shower and shove off. Who's dumb idea was this, anyway? Oh, that's right it was mine. I am a dumb ass.
Saturday I am off to Camp Dwyer for two weeks of R and R coverage. All people talk about around here is going on R and R and how "great Dwyer is." "The food is better, blah blah blah."
So we shall see. It's a break from the craziness of KAF. Karki is not happy. The clinic is being left in the care of doctors. Doctors without borders, or, in some cases, a clue.
We had a New Years barbeque. Ok, it was on the third. That's when the food arrived. I invited the Role 3 crew over and the XO and Command Master Chief showed up. We marinated a brisket for a day and had chicken, hamburgers and hot dogs. It was yummy. I had the clinic scrubbed from stem to stern. Thank God that I did, everyone wanted a tour. The staff said that I did "mother in law cleaning." Apparently they have not met my mother. It was a big hit and has cemented the relationship with the them even more. Of course, they are rotating out in February as well, so we'll have to do it again in March. I'll be in an Francisco, let me know how it goes.
I though that I was allergic to the soap in my sheets. I was waking up with welts and taking benadryl to sleep. I washed them in clear (for KAF) water and it still happened. I realized that it was the fragrance in the soap that I bought, so I am back to good old fashion Zest.
Ok, my tea is ready, time to shave, shower and shove off. Who's dumb idea was this, anyway? Oh, that's right it was mine. I am a dumb ass.
Monday, January 2, 2012
"Radar, change the numbers on that..defibrillator??"
Anyone who has been in the military understands the concept of "scrounging." It is the ability to find stuff. Sometimes other people's stuff. Let's just leave it at that. So we have started our physical exam center, or, as we call it, the PEC. It is in a tent with shoddily built walls. Whatever. At least we have it. We were supposed to have exam tables built but it was hard enough getting walls built with our current wood shortage. But we had some hand me down portable exam tables that the military was going to throw away, so we "rescued" them. We have been given a whole two rooms, one for exam and one for EKGs. The bed is way too low. We needed more gurneys so I has an idea. A particular country has departed and left their clinic to be remodeled. I wondered if they had left anything (read exam table) behind that they no longer needed. Off I went and checked the place out. There were Bosnian carpenters working to remodel the place. I asked who was in charge and was answered,"US ARMY." Hmm no Us Army around, so I'll just take a little look around. And there it was, a hospital gurney. A real live, no shit, gurney. I casually walked out of the door and swooped back to the clinic to get "Consuela" our aging pick up truck. And an accomplice. Gurneys are heavy you know. The plan was to walk in like we were supposed to be there and just roll the gurney out, put it in the truck and speed away. At 20kph. We showed up, walked in and just rolled the prize out the door and into our get away vehicle. My partner in crime went back in. He had spied other medical equipment that we were desperate for. He came back with more loot and we sped away. "Fly, Consuela, fly." and please don't die in the intersection. She has a stick shift with a bad clutch, you know. Back at the clinic we unloaded our booty. I won't fit through the door. Shit. No worries, turn it on its side, a little manipulation and viola! In business. I went outside only to find my coconspirator asking to go back. Apparently there was more loot that we needed. I thought tempting fate twice may be a little bit much but, as my mom says "in for a penny, in for a pound." So back we went. Apparently there were rolling stools to be had. We walked in like we owned the place and rolled out. No one even blinked an eye. Who says crime doesn't pay? Well we didn't steal anything, we just transferred assets.
Later that day a Nurse from the Air Traffic Control Role 1 asked me if I had a defibrillator trainer. I have 7 of them. Come and down and I'll give you one. So he did. Earlier I received an email from the area commander's office asking if I knew where to get a real defibrillator. Even in Afghanistan, I am Mr. Defib. Yes Major I have some, do you need one? The Army is working on getting one for their Gyms but it will be "awhile" so if I could loan them one that would be great. "no worries, I wrote back." This morning I got another email. A soldier had collapsed in a gym at another base. Cardiac arrest. No AED. I immediately walked down to the gym on base. I asked if they had a AED. "A what?" They said. "A defibrillator," I said. I was faced with puzzled looks. "Where's the boss?" I asked. I was taken to his office. Turns out that he's one of my patients. I asked about the AED. He said no, they don't have one and he was very concerned. "I'll be right back, " I said. I zoomed to the clinic, got a brand new AED in a box and sped back. We went to the gym, put it together and put it in place. Nobody's dieing in a gym, if I can help it. Sometimes "scrounging" works both ways.
Oh by the way, when we turned the gurney on it's side, a flag fell out. I won't tell you the country, but they are famous for their bacon. And hockey. And Tom Greene. And their gurneys...
Later that day a Nurse from the Air Traffic Control Role 1 asked me if I had a defibrillator trainer. I have 7 of them. Come and down and I'll give you one. So he did. Earlier I received an email from the area commander's office asking if I knew where to get a real defibrillator. Even in Afghanistan, I am Mr. Defib. Yes Major I have some, do you need one? The Army is working on getting one for their Gyms but it will be "awhile" so if I could loan them one that would be great. "no worries, I wrote back." This morning I got another email. A soldier had collapsed in a gym at another base. Cardiac arrest. No AED. I immediately walked down to the gym on base. I asked if they had a AED. "A what?" They said. "A defibrillator," I said. I was faced with puzzled looks. "Where's the boss?" I asked. I was taken to his office. Turns out that he's one of my patients. I asked about the AED. He said no, they don't have one and he was very concerned. "I'll be right back, " I said. I zoomed to the clinic, got a brand new AED in a box and sped back. We went to the gym, put it together and put it in place. Nobody's dieing in a gym, if I can help it. Sometimes "scrounging" works both ways.
Oh by the way, when we turned the gurney on it's side, a flag fell out. I won't tell you the country, but they are famous for their bacon. And hockey. And Tom Greene. And their gurneys...
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012. Is the world going to end...again?
I partied like a rockstar last night. An old tired, cold, too lazy to get dressed and go outside, rock star. I had plans of finding bagpipes. I did go look. At noon. A flyer, or something. No luck. I had a quiet dinner with Karki. He is my best friend, right hand man and confidant here. I scream across the clinic, Karki, you Nepalese Bastard!" This is a vestige of my British imperlism. I am either calling him a sherpa or a Gerka. He is acting as a Regional Operations manager or ROM. So now I am calling him "Rom Doss Sherpa Karki." And we laugh and laugh. A lot and loud. I probably shouldn't do it. But, like waiting until E is drinking milk so it comes out of her nose when I make her laugh, I can't help myself. He shouldn't laugh, it only encourages me. He really is my friend. I would not of made it this long without him. And he told me the same thing. If I will miss anything about this place it is my friend, Karki. You Nepalese bastard. He is a paramedic here but is the equivalent of a PA back in Nepal. Make no mistake, this is his clinic, I just work here. It was his birthday awhile ago and he was at another base. He had a pizza dinner and cake there. He came back and I wanted to buy him something special. He smokes like a fiend. Like everyone else here. So I found a very nice lighter that could be engraved. It had Achmed the dead terrorist on one side with "I kill you." And I had "you nepalese bastard" engraved on the other side. Karki said he will never use it to light a cigarette. He will just look at it and laugh. E finds this all quite appalling. I think that if Karki and I were in High School together, we would be spending a lot of time in the Principal's office. I feel that it is my job to teach him horrible american sayings. He loves,"muck muck." He says "muckily muck." So now I say "muckily muck." He also sings the first line of American songs. Over and over and over. Jingle bells was his last victim. Then he breaks into a dance. And we laugh. He loves catching me doing something stupid. Which is quite often. He comes in, sits in my chair and says, "Doc, how come you can't tell the difference between a man and a woman?" I checked the wrong box on a consult form.
So kill me. He says, "In my country we know the difference." I say,"in your country you eat Yak." And we laugh. Political correctness is not a high priority in our relationship.
So kill me. He says, "In my country we know the difference." I say,"in your country you eat Yak." And we laugh. Political correctness is not a high priority in our relationship.
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