Maybe I can just use the rocks in my head...

When I came here a year ago someone told me to bring some "mud boots." That was one of the best suggestions ever. We live on a dirt base. Very few paved roads here. When it rains it turns in to a mud base. With flooding. And rocket attacks.
The temperature has dropped down to 28 degrees in the morning and the big puddle that has formed in the front of the clinic between the physical exam tent and the bathrooms has turned into a skating rink.
A muddy, semi-frozen skating rink, causing two people to fall. The problem is a low spot and a shortage of rocks that we have in our driveway. We requested more rock in December but it was denied. No acceptable. I was on a mission, get more rocks. I went to the head of the safety department and explained the problem. "Get more rocks," he said. Then he called the Site Manager for rocks. Off I went to her office. She barley speaks english. Great. "no rock," she says in her Russian accent."Risk management has rock."  Thank you Natasha. Say hello to Boris.  "Why do lawyers have rocks?" I wondered. Of course they do, this is Afghanistan. Off I went to risk management. "I need rocks," says I. "Why would we have rocks?," the lawyers asked. "Why wouldn't you?" I replied. I explained the situation. Told them that I was sent by the site manger here. To look for Bullwinkle, I mean Rocky, I mean rocks. We'll be over later to check it out they said. Later that afternoon a lawyer showed up, looked at the situation and declared, "you need more rocks." No shit, Perry Mason. He advised me to order some and tell them that safety and risk management says that we need rocks. He then told me that they, the lawyers, didn't have rocks but had dirt at one time. More dirt? More mud. Thanks for the advise, counselor, you may go.
Order was put in for rocks. And denied. They don't have any rocks. We are in the middle of a desert and we have no rocks! Turns out the rocks are kept by our competition, Dyncorp only smooths out the rocks but you have to bring your own rocks. BYOR. We have rocks, I've seen them. They're everywhere. I engage my Kiwi spy. "Get rocks," I say. "Roger,"he says. Actually it was more like "Rogahh" and threw in a mate or two. Yesterday after lunch, rocks arrived. Didn't ask where he got them. But we had both seen a huge pile of rocks on the other side of the base. Probably just a coincidence. We went and got shovels and spread them out, eliminated our mini-me poo pond and skating rink. I was so happy.
A member of management happened by and said," see Mark, I told you that we would get you rocks, you just had to go through official channels."
I will leave to your imagination what my reply was.