Anyone who has been in the military understands the concept of "scrounging." It is the ability to find stuff. Sometimes other people's stuff. Let's just leave it at that. So we have started our physical exam center, or, as we call it, the PEC. It is in a tent with shoddily built walls. Whatever. At least we have it. We were supposed to have exam tables built but it was hard enough getting walls built with our current wood shortage. But we had some hand me down portable exam tables that the military was going to throw away, so we "rescued" them. We have been given a whole two rooms, one for exam and one for EKGs. The bed is way too low. We needed more gurneys so I has an idea. A particular country has departed and left their clinic to be remodeled. I wondered if they had left anything (read exam table) behind that they no longer needed. Off I went and checked the place out. There were Bosnian carpenters working to remodel the place. I asked who was in charge and was answered,"US ARMY." Hmm no Us Army around, so I'll just take a little look around. And there it was, a hospital gurney. A real live, no shit, gurney. I casually walked out of the door and swooped back to the clinic to get "Consuela" our aging pick up truck. And an accomplice. Gurneys are heavy you know. The plan was to walk in like we were supposed to be there and just roll the gurney out, put it in the truck and speed away. At 20kph. We showed up, walked in and just rolled the prize out the door and into our get away vehicle. My partner in crime went back in. He had spied other medical equipment that we were desperate for. He came back with more loot and we sped away. "Fly, Consuela, fly." and please don't die in the intersection. She has a stick shift with a bad clutch, you know. Back at the clinic we unloaded our booty. I won't fit through the door. Shit. No worries, turn it on its side, a little manipulation and viola! In business. I went outside only to find my coconspirator asking to go back. Apparently there was more loot that we needed. I thought tempting fate twice may be a little bit much but, as my mom says "in for a penny, in for a pound." So back we went. Apparently there were rolling stools to be had. We walked in like we owned the place and rolled out. No one even blinked an eye. Who says crime doesn't pay? Well we didn't steal anything, we just transferred assets.
Later that day a Nurse from the Air Traffic Control Role 1 asked me if I had a defibrillator trainer. I have 7 of them. Come and down and I'll give you one. So he did. Earlier I received an email from the area commander's office asking if I knew where to get a real defibrillator. Even in Afghanistan, I am Mr. Defib. Yes Major I have some, do you need one? The Army is working on getting one for their Gyms but it will be "awhile" so if I could loan them one that would be great. "no worries, I wrote back." This morning I got another email. A soldier had collapsed in a gym at another base. Cardiac arrest. No AED. I immediately walked down to the gym on base. I asked if they had a AED. "A what?" They said. "A defibrillator," I said. I was faced with puzzled looks. "Where's the boss?" I asked. I was taken to his office. Turns out that he's one of my patients. I asked about the AED. He said no, they don't have one and he was very concerned. "I'll be right back, " I said. I zoomed to the clinic, got a brand new AED in a box and sped back. We went to the gym, put it together and put it in place. Nobody's dieing in a gym, if I can help it. Sometimes "scrounging" works both ways.
Oh by the way, when we turned the gurney on it's side, a flag fell out. I won't tell you the country, but they are famous for their bacon. And hockey. And Tom Greene. And their gurneys...
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