Food, dancing, did I mention food?

My goal for R and R is too eat nothing but great food. So far so good. There was the hiccup at Chevys. The Chevys in Emeryville has a great location, but every time I go there I wonder why they have such lousy service. For years and years, I have gone and have not been disappointed about being disappointed. The service just sucks. It is amazingly bad. Consistently. The food is OK, but Chevys ain't what it used to be. Still good chips and salsa, watered down drinks and so-so food.  But a great view of the water, which is why this place stays in business. Or maybe Pixar goes there or something.
On the other hand, Restaurant Gary Danko is the perfect restaurant. The didn't kick me out or anything. Must of been the tie. Very unassuming, perfect service. Just good food. Mix and match and substitute all you want on the menu. Have 6 desserts, they don't care. They even cooked my steak all the way through. Yes, sacrilege in the US but, hey, I have an english mother. At least they didn't boil it...
I came home to go dancing next weekend and dance I have done. I now cannot walk. I haven't used those  muscles in awhile, and I am feeling it. And more dancing tonight. After a trip to Manteca to see Mum and Dad. Went dancing after a trip to Santa Cruz. This is the problem with being on vacation in your own home. You don't have time to see everyone and do everything that you want. But I may die trying...

"Achtung, there is a dummkopf in business class, I repeat..."

I should not be allowed in business class. Too foreign to me. Too many buttons and protocols and politeness. I should be back in the cattle section eating bad food. Or wishing that I had some bad food. My flight left at 0200. I was exhausted. On purpose. I wanted to sleep. At the end of my sleep, I was awoken to a woman speaking german. I of course thought that A) I was still asleep or B) I had died and was now in german hell for all of the bad german accents that I have done in the past. I learned German from watching "Hogan's Heros," didn't you? Turns out that it was a Lufthansa flight attendant offering me breakfast. The same one who told me to put my bag in the coat closet. In german. Listen, Frau Blucher {horse whinny}, I have enough trouble with english...
So I woke up, had a lovely breakfast; during which I started to watch "The Green Lantern." In the movie there is an aerial combat scene. Just at that moment we hit turbulence.  So as the hero was fighting for control of his airplane, we were getting bounced around in the sky. The ultimate 3-D experience. Wow, these Germans think of everything...

Let the adventure begin, oh wait it already has...

If you remember the  last time that I went on R and R my plane was full of people that I  had sent home on R and R. And off course, this time too. The airline has changed the check in time to ridiculously early. The idea was that the temperature is cooler and therefore lower density altitude. This change took 5 months to accomplish. Just in time for the cold season. We are wearing sweaters here while they are wearing shorts in San Francisco. Something just ain't right. So I got up ridiculously early to start the ridiculous check out and check in process. As I rounded the corner I noticed our ambulance parked in front of the check in space at Camp Hicks. I immediately said to myself "I'm on R and R, I'm on R and R." And then went to find the crew. I found them with a patient that had come from a FOB with kidney stones. There had been a debate about sending him out for treatment but I had to remind the debate team that A) This is Afghanistan and B) Shit happens. The crew took him to the clinic and I gave them orders about what to do when he got there. Then Karki and I drove to the clinic. Well, almost. We got half way there and were pulled over by the MP's for speeding. Karki tried to get out to explain what was going on. He was met with a "stay in the car" over the PA system. Didn't he watch Rodney King? Maybe they don't beat you up on the freeway in Nepal. "Medical emergency," says I to the MP "OK but slow down," he said. "Thank you, Sergeant," I said, and we were on our way. The Master negotiator strikes again.
We got to the clinic, I checked on him and then went to finish the rest of my check out. Then I went back to the travel department to tell them what happened and to get his luggage and paperwork. After the appropriate amount of medicine he felt better and returned to check in. By ten a large line had formed but I got him head of the line privileges. And, as his PA, felt that I should be with him. Just in case. I shook hands with the Gryphon Airlines manager and explained who I was. As I walked away I looked at my boarding pass. Business class. Score! Gonna be a good day already...

One day and a wake up...

It's good to be home before going home. No more  "secret squirrel" internet access. Just plug in, log on and go.
I had two birthday dinners, both at Italian restaurants and then more to come when I fly back. Tomorrow I have to attend the flight briefing and do the cumbersome check out process. Much like getting out of jail, except they give you money when you come back.
Many personnel changes while I was gone, but Karki and Z are here, so all is right with the world. There is a new PA here so I will try and get him spun up, as we say, and do some teaching of the 5 new Medics who are here. I get to teach the boring but necessary information about the rules that we have to follow, medically speaking. We serve many masters here, one being OSHA. The other being a thing called "MOD 10." MOD 10 sets the medical standards for being here. We live and die by MOD 10. Everyone lives in fear of the dreaded "DQ."  Why people are afraid of Dairy Queen I'll never know.
I had a patient while I was at Leatherneck. He had, in short, an infected thumb. He cut it while trimming his nails then poked at it for about 10 days with a toothpick. He went to the Medics with thumb pain and they started him on Ibuprofen but then his thumb started to swell up so they brought him to me.  I thought he had what is called a "Felon" so I numbed it up and poked a hole in it. Nothing came out, so I figured that we could just treat him with antibiotics. Silly me, I must have forgotten that Leatherneck was still in Afghanistan. Three days later he came back, no better. I went down to Bastion, the British hospital, to talk to an orthopedic surgeon. I figured I would just follow the same procedure that we do at KAF. I found a full British Colonel who told me to bring him down there. "Either the ER or primary care, I'm not sure where you would start," says he. I went to fetch the patient and went to primary care. Where we waited and waited. Finally a sergeant came out and told us that we had to go to the "contractors office" where they would give him his eligibility papers.  They asked if I knew where the office was. "Negative" I replied. "It's by the NAAFI" said the blond female receptionist. I actually knew where that was, so off we went. The patient, interpreter that I had brought with me, and me. We wandered around, then wandered around some more, and even asked directions. Nobody knew what we were talking about. I finally went into the medical supply building and asked. A very nice chap said he did not know where it was but would ask around. Nope, nobody new. So back to reception we went. Our band of three was now a band of four. Robin hood and his merry (lost) men. The blonde receptionist had been replaced. We went next door to find the sergent. No sergeant there. Just doctors who told me that "this is the hospital." "No shit," I thought, but I didn't say that. "I am looking for a sergeant" I said. A voice said,"you are actually looking for a staff-seargent." "Sorry," said I. My new friend, who is a private,  asked where the TCMC was and was told by the staff sergeant that he had actually never been there but thought it was behind  something. "No worries," my new private friend send. So we walked back out and he pointed me in the right direction. We eventually found the place. It is no where near the NAAFI. I explained the situation to the nice British ladies who worked in that office. They were quite sympathetic but said that they couldn't help me because my patient worked for an American company and this is a British hospital. "Can't have the hospital full, you know," the nice lady said. Every ounce of me was screaming,"but I have a colonel who accepted him, he has a badly infected thumb, and I have been wandering around for a freaking hour looking for your stupid office/tent. He deserves treatment too, you git!" But instead I said, "Thank you very much," and left. "I'm sending you to KAF," I mumbled to my patient, via the interpreter. "Thank you sir," my polite patient responded.
He went off to KAF, and arrived at the clinic. Dr. Merz, who is here covering, made an incision in the infected thumb and got 15 cc's of infected goop out and then took him to our Role 3. The doctor there, who is British said, "Why didn't they just take him to Bastion? It's right around the corner."
One more day, one more day......

Seven days and a wake up...

Down to single digits then home on R and R. I have had to go to extraordianry lengths to write this little ole blog because they take bandwidth seriously here. How to describe this base in one wrod? Boring. But a good kind of boring. No rocket attacks. Good food at the Dfacs. It is nice being 15 seconds from the clinic so I can take a quick nap at lunch. I do miss the hussle and bustle at KAF but I did need a break.
My computer has decided to quit playing DVDs. Well either that or it has become a movie critic and is only playing some DVDs. I have the "Rotten Tomatoes" of PCs. I am dieing to know what happens in episode 6 of "True Blood" Don't tell me, I can wait a week to find out.
Anyway, the bandwidth police are watching so I will sign off, gather my stuff and make the morning schlepp to the shower. Look out Navy shower, here I come...

Coffee, tea, or rain gear?

Everything in this country is trying to kill me, as you know, except lightening, apparently. The thing that is supposed to try and kill me just passed overhead. After numerous attempts I was able to get one picture. Then I ran like hell.
It rained for two days. I did not bring any rain gear. We are in the desert and it's October. We are in the Northern hemisphere, so it is technically Fall, not Winter. Not the rainy season. I just pretended it was Hawaii and it would soon get warm and I would dry out.Turned on my slack key guitar music on the iPod and even had pineapple in the Difac. Didn't work. No hula girls, no beach, just sand. And I still looked like a drowned rat. I walked to the PX to get some rain gear. They didn't have any. Of course not, if you come here you would be issued rain gear. Which everybody but me was wearing. So I was a double drowned rat and walked back. A dumb ass double drowned rat. Listening to Bother Iz on his iPod. In the rain, pretending to be in Hawaii. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he has lost his mind. Plus it's soggy, my brain that is.

One of the big advantages here, besides the fact that the food is way better, is that my chu is across from the clinic. And it's twice the size of my room at KAF. There is a tea pot there and tea bags. I have added Earl Grey and life is good. Except this morning when I forgot to take the key with me. I am now waiting for one of the Medics to wake up and have a need for coffee. I will nonchalantly walk in, say,"Good morning" and put on the kettle. Hard to wait. No one's up yet. Think they would mind if I casually yelled, "Rocket attack!" in their tent? "Oops, my bad. Never mind. Coffee anyone?"

You say " , and I say @

I am not a big fan of typing on laptops so I went to the Italian electronics store on Bastion and bought a keyboard. The last time I did this I bought one with the wrong plug. It was round and I needed a USB. I bought it from the French PX and they have a no refund policy. Vous Indélicates Bastards. So I was very careful this time. Even had the guy double check the plug. All is good. Brought it back to my office, plugged it in and, voila it worked. Until I tried to type. Using my practice of touch typing I was typing along and looked down only to find that the "quote" (") key and "at" (@)  key had been switched. (Man that was hard..)

I have been down to Bastion Role 3 twice already. All very British and polite. Some American nurses.  Very nice place. The British PX is behind it. All very civilized.

We had a big thunder and lightening storm last night. Being from KAF I figured it was rockets and was pissed. Until I peeked outside and saw the lightening. Stood outside and watched for awhile until I figured how dumb that was. Then I went to sleep in my metal building. I got up in the morning and plodded to the shower during the lightening. And rain. Hmmm are Crocks lightening proof?
"Mrs. Caplin your son was killed in Afghanistan."
"Was it a rocket attack?"
"No, ma'am"
"Insurgents?""Ground attack?"
"Um, no"
"He was on his way to the bathroom  and was struck by lightening"
"My son is a dumb ass"
"Yes but he was doing what he loved"
"Sailing? Scottish Country dancing? Saving lives?"
"No ma'am, showering...."

So much that I can't talk about...

20 days and a wake up, but who's counting. Well, you know who.

So man big booms lately. Was having lunch and a really big boom went off. I was just about to enjoy my strawberry mouse when ceiling tiles fell into it. I was on the floor before you knew it. Along with 200 of my closest friends.  And Larry Sharp, DO. Never saw a doctor move so fast. The boy was raised right. We were ordered to evacuate, NOW! And he grabbed his tray and was headed to dump  out  the contents. "Larry," says I." Fuck the tray! Let's go."  Out we went to look at a big mushroom like cloud very close to us. No one hurt, luckily. We stood around for an hour in the sun, until I wandered around and found two nice chairs on a porch in the shade in the British compound. We sat there for awhile when a british soldier wandered by. We thought that he was going to yell at us. I asked if he would bring us a gin and tonic. "Oh, that would be lovely," the sergeant  said. Gotta love the Brits..

Had a guy walk into the clinic and collapse. One of the Medics casually mentioned it to me in my office. After awhile I wandered out to see a guy having a huge heart attack. We quickly assessed him, got IVs in him, loaded him into our ambulance and got him to the Role 3. The lights stopped working int he back of the ambulance, so I had a flashlight in my teeth. He kept passing out, because his B/P was so low and he was so sweaty that the electrodes from the EKG kept slipping off. I was convinced that he had arrested, or "coded" as we say. I kept yelling at him to wake up.Which he did. For awhile.  I almost swallowed my flashlight. Twice. Made it their alive.
'Was Mark killed in a rocket attack?'
"Nope, choked on a flashlight." The dumb-ass way to die.

Heart attacks and rocket attacks always get me down...

I am off to cover for R and R at Leatherneck for awhile and then back to KAF then SFO. A little R and R before the Rand R.

Stay tuned from reports from "the neck."

My name is Bond, James Bond.......Would you like a donut James? Shaken not stirred...

Grouch Marx said that "I'd never join a club that would have me as a member." My take would be that I'd never be on a committee that would have me as a member, except that it did and I am. To explain: I was asked to come by and meet the new manager of ambulance operations on KAF. Simple enough, we have an ambulance and he wanted to meet "the owner." We talked about responses on the base especially during a rocket attack. In the past we have been left out if there was a need for more ambulances than the EMS system had and he wanted to fix that. He had been here in 2006 and the system was still screwed up. We had tried to fix it earlier this year, but the person who was in charge of revamping the system got sick and had to go home and no one took his place so things are still, as we say "fubar."  {prepare to GOOGLE; JFGI} Anyway, he asked me if I knew about the committee that was being formed. I informed him that I did not, but left out the part about how much I hate meetings. We had just met and I didn't want to be rude by going on my usual "I hate meetings and would rather be poked in the eye by a saw toothe viper" meeting rant. "I'll send you an email," said my new friend, Chris. "Great," I said. "Oh great," I thought, "more meetings." Now don't get me wrong, I still love the Role 3 meetings. They are fast, efficient, and relevant. Kind of the anti-meeting of back in the US. I read my email, was intrigued and thought I would stop by. Besides it was in a secret location. How cool. Meeting day showed up and I went through all the security and was admitted to the inner sanctum. I sat on the sidelines, kept my mouth shut and was very low key. Very non-me. The meeting ended, I went outside and fetched my cell phone. We had to stash them before going into the conference room. My new friend Chris, introduced me to the Canadian Major who was running the meeting. She asked for a card. I produced said card, was polite 'cause she's Canadian and it's like a rule with them or something and then  I was on my way. No harm, no foul, no commitment. Lots of high ranking folks in the room. Sat across from a full bird Marine Colonel. Yeah, they don't did the likes of me there. The meeting was at the order of the base  CO. An Air Force two star General. COMKAF. Not the cable company. Anyway, I went on my merry way, wishing these folks luck. I was told it was all "secret squirrel." I could tell you but I'd have to...well you know. In my email came the agenda for the next meeting. Including a list of people that "Had" to be there. And who was #3 on the list? You guessed it, moi. By order of COMKAF. Ordered to attend a meeting, seriously? I told the nice Canadian major that I can't be on the committee because I can't access the documents that I need because of security issues. "No worries, " she said, "I'll get you copies." This is taking politeness to new heights.  "Besides," she said, "we are trying to turn these into non-confidential, public documents" So, I guess I am the token public. Plus she was so damn nice about it. And she promised to buy me donuts. And told me to call he Lisa.  What's wrong with these people? Needless to say, I am now two meetings into the process. I am one of four civilians on the committee. Lots of "ma'am and sirs" during the meeting. Me. I'm just Mark.
Caplin, Mark Caplin...