Ok, so now I'm obsessed with this rapture thing. The world ends on my birthday, October 21. But, what time zone is God on? PST? EST? Zulu? GMT, God mean time? Or God's mean. Time! They say to look in the bible for answers. I looked, and... nuthin'. I looked for the book of Timex but couldn't find that, either. And does God wear a watch? Will he be talking to St. Peter and say, "Jesus look at the time, I've got a world to destroy, excuse my french.." Does he put "BRB" on his Facebook status? I know on the seventh day he rested, was he winding his watch? You'd think being all powerful, it would be self winding.
The country of Tonga's slogan is "where the day begins." Well, how's that working for you now? Can't be too good for tourism. People went there to see the millennium start, will they be there to watch the world end? How do you pay for it? American Express? Everyone who has one keeps telling me, "you have to pay it off at the end of the month." Isn't that why you have a credit card, in the first place, so you don't have to? But I digress. Me, I'm putting First Class tickets on my credit card and then saying a big "fuck you, assholes" to the credit card companies Teach you to charge me 27% interest. How you like me now? See you in hell. Plus we're twelve hours ahead of San Francisco, so can I jump on a plane and beat it back to SF and get an extra 12 hours? Kinda like Ground hog day? This is all very confusing.
Yeah, I'm going straight to hell, but at least my friends will be there. And the assholes from the credit card companies. We're playing poker. Jacks or better to open. And, sorry pal, no credit...
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