Bison and eagles and bears...oh my.

After three days on amazingly straight roads we arrived at Yellowstone. As we looked at the GPS it was one straight ribbon until we turned left in Nevada and headed for Idaho. A more boring road couldn't of been had.
We had a great Cinco de Mayo dinner in Idaho Falls and won the raffle. Unfortunately our car is packed to the gills, we had to buy groceries and had no room. So we gave our basket of goodies to the table next to us.
We are hear in our little apartment that is great about 800 square feet. Two bedrooms and the most amazing view. It is exactly one minute from the clinic.
We had a welcome dinner and have started orientation on Tuesday. I think my head my explode. On Tuesday night we had a helicopter orientation and I won a helicopter ride around the Lake. It's too bad that they don't have the lottery here; I am on a roll.
We had to make a mad dash to Cody, Wyoming to buy more groceries. It's an hour and a half each way. A beautiful drive and Cody is very nice. They have a brand new library which is amazing. They charge 15-25 dollars for a library card for us "out of towners." We said that we'd think about it.

Eilen has seen two grizzlies. I have seen one. There is Bison poop everywhere. Where there is poop there is Bison. It is pitch black at night and apparently there is one that likes to sleep outside of the clinic. Haven't "run " in to him yet. Guess I'll buy more flashlight on our next run to Cody...

The over/under on...packing

Greetings from Winnemucca, Nevada, one third of the way to Yellowstone National Park. Me and E or E and I or e,i,e,i,o...are off on adventure #2. I am going to work at the Lake Yellowstone clinic and E will look at wolfs and bison and bears and oh my. We packed the car yesterday within an inch of its life and headed to Manteca We went to see Mum and Dad where Dad informed us that there should be a doctor at the clinic "not just you." Ah with support like that, how could I go wrong. Thanks dad.
We stoppes at Cabellas, just outside of Reno which is an amazing hunting/camping/fishing store complete with huge aquarium and stuffed dead things. We went to by bear spray which I tried on the stuffed bear there and seemed to work pretty well. Stopped him in dead his tracks. Actually I think that his still in that same position. This stuff works great!
The car has Sirius satellite radio which is great beause there are two sations here. One is "Godtalk" and the other is country. Which is two more than in Yellowstone. We listened to "Willie's Roadhouse" hoping to hear "on the road again."
Traditional bad joke-Why did Willie Nelson get hit by a car?
He was playing on the road again...  {groan}

Packing pre-adventure

I have been asked to continue this...whatever this is...for Yellowstone. So here goes. We leave Friday for the 1000 mile drive in the new car. What was it the Chinese say about a journey of a thousand miles? It begins with...a trip to Uhaul for boxes.
I'm thinking that the rocket attack part of the blog will be missing. I'm hoping that it will not be replaced with the bear attack alarm, but one never knows. The living room is full of boxes, some half packed. I am sure two things will happen:
1. We will send back stuff that we didn't need.
2. We sill say," damn we should of brought ..."
But there is Cody, Wyoming just a mere 85 miles away to buy stuff we need. The speed limit in the Park is 45mph. You do the math.

Kandahar comes to the Bay Area (well, not really)

So, I buy a new car. I bid a sad farewell to the Explorer, that has served me well for these past 16 years and 318,000 miles, and downsize to a Ford Escape. OK, maybe it was time for a new car. Have to have something reliable to get us to Yellowstone and maybe a little more fuel effiicent. But this is San Francisco, so the passenger window was broken out and stuff was stolen. All can be replaced. It had its cherry popped. Got the broken window out of the way, time to move on with life in the big City. I called the insurance comopany and they set up an appointment for the following Tuesday. So the car goes in the garage and E's car goes on the street, causing me sleepless nights thinking that her window was next. I asked for a Monday appointment but was told that they have to order the part because the car was new. The part will be there on Tuesday. OK, public transit and borrowing of cars until Tuesday. Tuesday comes. I have to drive to South San Francisco because the Fourth Street place has closed. Window down, heater blazing and I am off. I arrive early and take a seat in the office. Finally someone come and signs me in. I sign the work order and the guy asks if I am going to wait, or should he call me or am I going to "wander around?" I chose wander around. He takes my cell number and says that he will call in an hour to an hour and a half when the job is done. No worries. I begin my wandering. I stop at a tile shop and check out bathroom tile for the remodeel that will happen post Yellowstone and then make my way to downtown South City. I find their very nice old library and take a seat to read the Chronicle. Half way through Doonesbery my phone vibrates and I notice it's Safelite glass. Hmmmmm. My hour isn't up yet. I whisper "Hello" in the phone, the voice on the other end informs me that they can't find the glass in the shop. They have to order it. It will be here tomorrow. This is Tuesday, glass will be there Wednesday. The appointment was scheduled for Tuesday so that the glass would be here. On, say it with me,  Tuesday!!! Do I want the car or leave it? Leave it, it'll be safer in your shop. I see a bus and ask the driver about getting to CALTRAIN. He says I have to walk four blocks and get a ride to the San Mateo Station, which is South. I then realize that at the end of the block is the overpass that will take me to the South City station. I hike down there and wait. There are a bunch of Giants fans waiting for a train to take the North to AT&T Park. I call CALTRAIN and ask for the next North bound train that will stop at 22nd street, my stop. "AT 5:05," the lady says. That's 40 minutes from now. I ask her if that's the only train, she confirms that yes, it is. Five minutes later a North bound train stops. I figure that I'll get on and get off at the end of the line  at King street and take a bus home. The conducter announces the next two stops. The second stop is 22nd street. "Seriously, are you fucking kiding me?!" I say out loud. Luckily this train is going to San Francisco, so they are used to crazy people cursing to themselves.Two stops later, I am at my stop. 10 minutes later, another train stops. It is not quite 5:05 yet. I am temted to call teh CALTRAIN lady back and offer to get her a copy of the schedule that I took from the train. Or offer her a job in Afghanistan. She'd fit right in...

one last story (maybe)

During the last three days in country, I started backing off my involvement in the morning meetings. JP was there and it was becoming his clinic. However I have to tell you this: I came in and sat down and noticed three new older gentlemen in the meeting. People come and go and I rarely know who's new, they just show up or they are fire medics going on R and R and I have no idea who they are. But here where these three guys siting in our meeting. The meeting starts and Karki announces that we are going to  have a safety talk. I prefer the safety dance, but that's another story. Anyway I'm all for safety so bring it on. So one of the guys stands up and starts talking about crane safety. The big cranes that drive around the base. I'm thinking,OK, how to be careful around these things, so shit don;'t get dropped on you." Nope, it's how to drive them safely. More specifically, it's how to get in and out of them. Three point contact at all times (take home point). Avoid falling out of them. Gravity is a bitch. All I could think was,"do these guys know that we are the medical clinic and rarely drive a billion ton crane?"  The sad part was that we all just listened politely, nodded our heads occasionally and thanked them for coming. No one said a  thing about the fact that we really don't need this lecture. We are just trained to do what they tell us. The medical sheep. Sheep who drive cranes.
But, if I ever get in and out of one, I am ready...

Maybe I can just use the rocks in my head...

When I came here a year ago someone told me to bring some "mud boots." That was one of the best suggestions ever. We live on a dirt base. Very few paved roads here. When it rains it turns in to a mud base. With flooding. And rocket attacks.
The temperature has dropped down to 28 degrees in the morning and the big puddle that has formed in the front of the clinic between the physical exam tent and the bathrooms has turned into a skating rink.
A muddy, semi-frozen skating rink, causing two people to fall. The problem is a low spot and a shortage of rocks that we have in our driveway. We requested more rock in December but it was denied. No acceptable. I was on a mission, get more rocks. I went to the head of the safety department and explained the problem. "Get more rocks," he said. Then he called the Site Manager for rocks. Off I went to her office. She barley speaks english. Great. "no rock," she says in her Russian accent."Risk management has rock."  Thank you Natasha. Say hello to Boris.  "Why do lawyers have rocks?" I wondered. Of course they do, this is Afghanistan. Off I went to risk management. "I need rocks," says I. "Why would we have rocks?," the lawyers asked. "Why wouldn't you?" I replied. I explained the situation. Told them that I was sent by the site manger here. To look for Bullwinkle, I mean Rocky, I mean rocks. We'll be over later to check it out they said. Later that afternoon a lawyer showed up, looked at the situation and declared, "you need more rocks." No shit, Perry Mason. He advised me to order some and tell them that safety and risk management says that we need rocks. He then told me that they, the lawyers, didn't have rocks but had dirt at one time. More dirt? More mud. Thanks for the advise, counselor, you may go.
Order was put in for rocks. And denied. They don't have any rocks. We are in the middle of a desert and we have no rocks! Turns out the rocks are kept by our competition, Dyncorp only smooths out the rocks but you have to bring your own rocks. BYOR. We have rocks, I've seen them. They're everywhere. I engage my Kiwi spy. "Get rocks," I say. "Roger,"he says. Actually it was more like "Rogahh" and threw in a mate or two. Yesterday after lunch, rocks arrived. Didn't ask where he got them. But we had both seen a huge pile of rocks on the other side of the base. Probably just a coincidence. We went and got shovels and spread them out, eliminated our mini-me poo pond and skating rink. I was so happy.
A member of management happened by and said," see Mark, I told you that we would get you rocks, you just had to go through official channels."
I will leave to your imagination what my reply was.

Well, it is a general ORDER, not a suggestion

"General Order No.1B (GO No.1B) is enforced at KAF. Among other things, GO No.1B prohibits the possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages and/or nonprescription drugs, possession of pornography and entering sleeping quarters of the opposite gender. These are serious offenses and the consequences are severe."

This place is all about rules. For some reason, some people have a problem with that. Four in the last month to be exact. And some went for the trifecta and broke three at the same time! So one person shacked up with another person, even though that person was married. And kept her in his quarters in full view of everybody else. Dumbass. He is gone. 

Two people have been "doing it" but they are not married and were kind of doing it on the down low, except they wouldn't answer their phones during the day because they were, well "busy." Then they found alcohol on the base. Those silly Russians and their need for "wod-ka." And drove a vehicle. And put the vehicle in a ditch. And were found by the IMPs. And one was taken onto custody. So they are gone. Double dumb asses. They are now banned from doing anymore contracting work or even entering a US military base anywhere in the world. You can't make this shit up. That's ok, there are plenty of jobs back in the US. Oh, wait no there's not. Dumb asses...