See one, do one, teach one, ...do another one

Good morning campers. I'm not quite awake yet. You have to wait three minutes and no more than five for your tea to be ready. Any less, too weak, any more, tastes bitter. And don't play with the tea bag, just let it steep, you Yanks...Stand by.....milk in first (in this case Coffee Mate) and sugar and .....perfection {slurp.....ahhh}. Alasdair Fraser on the ipod, life is good. Caffeine moving to the brain now.
What did you guys do yesterday? Really? Master Mariners race? Barbecue? Travel? Nothing? All good. We are a NATO base so no memorial day stuff. Sort of weird to be in the center of the reason for the holiday but not celebrate the holiday. Also means that everything is open and I got mail. Just another 110 degree day in paradise.
 Waiting on my air ambulance. Decided to check with Air Operations to make sure that all the paperwork was done correctly. Turns out that they had the times wrong. Except it was GMT and I had to do calculations in my head. Which I failed miserably. Thank you to the US Air Force for showing mercy on my feeble brain and doing the conversion for me. I ran back to send an emergency email only to find out that the aircraft has not been allowed to leave India because of a crash there earlier in the week and tightened regulations. So maybe today. The Role 3 is not real happy with me. But what ya gonna do? Some things are out of my control. Actually, most things are out of my control.
Out "bat phone" rang for a request for an ambulance. Remember our 911 numbers are all 10 digits here. They couldn't remember the base emergency number but found ours. It's all good, our crew went out and picked up a local who had a minor accident and brought him back to the clinic. He had a nice laceration on his lip that I sewed up. Z was a little disappointed because she was itching to try her new suturing skills but I had to veto it for obvious political/medical/legal reasons. Next time, I promise. {pause for sip of tea}
So, dude if you are Taliban, you owe me one...

Watch that last turn, it's a doozy..

I often introduce myself as a "recovering paramedic." Like not being an ex-marine you can be a former marine and the reptilian part of my brain still thinks like a Medic. The part of being a medic that I don't miss is our capacity to bitch and be negative about everything. And believe me, I was one of the worst offenders. Just ask E {E nodding head, vigorously} But, I made changes. I put my negative energy to use. I worked to get legislation changed, helped form an EMS union and tried to make life better for my fellow EMS workers. One of our God given rights in America is our right to bitch and moan. But I always ask people who complain a lot if they voted. They invariably say,"why, it doesn't make any difference" I beg to differ. We take voting for granted, but when you work in an area where people die to vote, literally, it takes on a whole new meaning. Being a naturalized citizen, I take my right to vote very seriously. I remember turning 18 and being so excited about voting. Just the coolest thing ever. I had just joined the Navy and swore to "uphold and defend the constitution of the United States." And for the record, no one ever attacked the naval hospital at Portsmouth, Virginia on my watch. In America we have the right to be stupid, say stupid stuff and vote for stupid candidates. I'll never forget the United Airlines Captain that was fired for complaining about having to go through TSA like everyone else.  He said something like, "Jesus Christ, I'm flying the plane, if I want to crash it, I can, this is stupid." And he got fired. For telling the truth. For venting his frustration. For exercising his God given right to bitch. He said what we were all thinking. And, no I am not going to discuss political correctness. Cause sometimes that's appropriate and sometimes not. But back to me. The clinic has been quiet, both with patients and a very small staff. The place looks abandoned. It has allowed me to get some stuff done. Still waiting to get my guy medevaced home. We are waiving $100 bills around trolling for lear jets, waiting for a bite. Answering emails from folks trying to come back to work, including the guy that sent me his paperwork "approving" his return with the "not fit for duty" box checked. Sorry, dude. Besides I feel that my primary job is to make sure that these people are safe and get good medical care. Take any medical problem multiply by Afghanistan and it equals disaster. Get well, get healthy and I'll let you back in, gladly. We have a certain negativity element on the staff here. They have all been gone. But they all arrived, en masse yesterday plus one extra who doesn't even work here. I was in my office, hawaiian slack key guitar paying on the ipod reading Stars and Stripes as I waited for some email replies. All was right with the world, then  bang, the bitch'o-rama started. We had just had a rocket attack, that we thought was a drill, oops, but I'd rather have another one than listen to these folks. I had to take an ibuprofen and leave early. You know these kind of people, they feed on each other. "Oh, you think that's bad, well..." Can't wait to go in this morning an experience more of it. But then, I think that I have a right to put an end to it, too. Must be bad when I think that it's too negative. It takes one to know one I guess. Or maybe I've just matured and moved on. Perhaps that now I'm more of a professional who realizes that complaining for complaining sake is nonproductive and destructive and you should focus that energy in making your place in society better for all. That we should look at the sunny side of life. That we should look at the glass half full instead... Ok stop laughing, but I do feel a little bit of this. Besides if I don't bitch what will I blog about?
 Happy Memorial day.

Your Tooth Fairy wears Army boots

Before I got here, Dennis did two jobs for 6 weeks. He was the Director of Clinical Services for the Southern AOR (Area of Operation) and the KAF Region clinical Supervisor. I have done two jobs now for half a day. Which, I think, equals one job for one day if you divide the numerator by the tangent of the cosign of the Poo Pond. Anyway, I'm on my own starting today. Holy shit, Batman. Attention Afghanistan: Please start brushing your teeth. Seriously, people; two words, dental hygiene. Or dental floss. Everyday we see someone with a bad cavity. Or a dental abscess or a whole in their mouth that used to be a cavity/dental abscess. Remember my toe guy that said, "I have a small hole in my toe"? And he had a dedo muerto. I cringe now when I hear, "I have a hole in my tooth." They abirir la boca and I cierra los ojos. Please make him stop speaking spanish, he's in Afghanistan for God's sake...Anyway only in Asskrakisstan can not brushing your teeth almost kill you. A patient presented to a FOB Medic with a tooth ache. He got NSAIDS and was told to improve his dental hygiene and come back if it got worse, which it did. So he was taken to the dentist who pulled a tooth and was told to come back if it got worse, which it did. So he was put on antibiotics and was told to come back i it got worse. And, say it with me, it did. To the point that he couldn't open his mouth. Or breath. So off to  the combat surgeon he went to get a tracheotomy and a helicopter medevac to the Role 3.Where he had surgery to remove 3 more teeth. Differential diagnosis, Ludwig's angina. (Look Ma, no google.) Now I have to get an air ambulance to send him home. And run the clinic and answer all of the emails from people trying to come back to work from medical leave and send people out on medical leave. Including the guy who is at a different fob than his wife and says he'll kill himself if he can't be at the same fob as her but she says she'll kill him if he comes here. And this is only day 1. Of 15. Help! Bet he brushes his teeth.

Curse you William Shatner!

I made my reservations so long before my arrival in Dubai that I forgot what hotel I was staying in. I kept waiting for the confirmation email which never arrived. I searched all of the travel sites looking for it. I never found it so I figured that my reservation never went through. Silly me, I got a receipt for my stay yesterday. At a hotel that I didn't stay in. Turns out it was a prepaid, nonrefundable room from priceline. Except price-line booked the room through another agency and had no record of the booking on their website. And despite my best effort of begging, crying, whining, (did I mention begging?) no refund or credit to use at a future date. Ce la vie. My refund was dead, Jim. Shatner, you bastard....
Back to travelocity for me.
Role 1 meeting yesterday. Short and sweet. A quick talk about malaria: turns out that our malaria policy is not up to date. Our policies are like buying a new computer. They are obsolete by the time you get them working. We just wrote it a month ago. Made rounds on a patient at the Role 3. Clinic was quiet, which is good because we are down staff. More arriving this week. Not sure about the quality, though. (That's for you, Garth)
Dennis and Steve leave on RnR today. They are like giddy school girls. I completely understand. Hard to concentrate on work when you're brain is already on a plane to CONUS. You now Conus, it's just North of Flatus, Nebraska. Actually CONUS is continental United States. Like POTUS is president of US, FLOTUS is first lady....etc. We live in acronymville here and speak in tongues. I started doing that when I was home, out of habit. "Let's take the pov to the dfac for an mre." E just stared at me. "Ah, sorry, can we go get a burrito?" Then she just smacked me upside my head, really hard. She's small but mighty. Boom, left hook out of nowhere. First she faked with the right, though She's cagey, that way. I bobbed, she weaved and pow, a haymaker, followed by an uppercut, scoring a t-k-o.  Weight on her front foot, good wide stance, just like she learned in the SAS. Now I have a TBI  and I'm fubar. Better get in the car ASAP. We better get that burrito PDQ before I'm DOA.

"please clean up after our elf"

Where am I? What time is it? Wait, what day is it??  And where's my elf? I did watch the Harry Potter movie on the airplane. But I'm confused. Why is it "our" elf? Clean up after your own elf. Sure it's your elf when it is being good, but ours when it's being bad. That was a sign in the bathroom. Think, think....get it?
I would like to thank Costco for supplying me with socks and underwear. Of course when I picked up my laundry all of the missing socks and underwear had miraculously returned so now I have a plethora of undies. Oh well. Of course I was up at 1 am. Funny, you just get used to another time zone and back you come to GMT plus 4.5. It's GMT plus 4 in Dubai. So you plus 0.5 here. Arghhhhhhh, my head.
 Dennis leaves tomorrow for the AAPA convention in Las Vegas. I have made him an honorary Stanford student so he can be my rep at the alumni reception. An alumnus among us. At least it'll be hot there. Should be 99 here today. A little different than the 60 in San Francisco.
Had a great swim on the 14th floor of the hotel with a view of the creek and all of the Dhows. Went for a walk along the creek. You can take a dinner cruise there. Guess it's a dinner dhow. I want dinner right dhow. Yum, good dhow chow. Always stay in the here and dhow. Ok, I'll stop.
New MACs have a thing called "Facetime" on them. Sort of Skype for MACs. Worked great in the living room. Like my childhood walkie talkies. Not so much out here. Probably operator error. We will not mention the operator. "Hello operator, can you connect me to a short cute technically challenged woman in San Francisco."
That's all for dhow.

A cup of tea, fast internet and ...a swim??

It's 0300, and hello from the Hilton Dubai creek, Dubai.  I have a "view" room.  It is in the corner by the elevators. Or lifts as we say. Surprisingly quiet and the corner of my room and one entire wall is glass. I have a view of the streets. And some water, which I have to suppose is the creek. Hence the creek name. Or crick as we say. It is nice to stay in a room that is set up for us tea drinkers. Milk and everything. Instant coffee for you heathens. It never fails, I only get great rooms when I stay for less that 24 hours. If it's a couple of day stay, then I usually share the hotel with hookers and drug addicts. Or as I like to call them, my people. Trying to find a room in Dubai with free internet is pert near impossible. Have you noticed that the more expensive the room is the more you have to pay for internet? I am now a big Hampton Inn fan. Good room, free breakfast and free internet. I highly recommend them. Unless you're in Dubai, where there ain't one. So off to their big sister, the Hilton. I do get free breakfast. I think. I mean I did pay more for this room with the "free" breakfast. Wow, another whining DOD contractor.
A great seat on the United triple 7 for the trip over. Fully reclining seat, pick of movies, and they left the aircraft radio channel on, my favorite. Didn't get my first choice for dinner but hey, what do you want for $5,000? Watched 2 movies and slept. Also spent a grand total of 30 minutes in the Red Carpet lounge. Had an hour to change planes in DC. Overseas, in the lounges, you get a buffet lunch with unlimited bar. In the US you get peanuts. Literally. I wandered around looking for the food when I realized that the 25 cents worth of BS that they had was it. Really? Come on United, throw us a bone here. With some meat on it...

Hope United doesn't go broke with all of this food...

There is a pool on the 14th floor here so I think that I'll go for a swim. I found a swim suit that I had packed in my carry on for my trip across the US. Score. Why not. It's not like there's swimming at KAF. The Poo Pond swim team? Not!  I think I just grossed myself out...

Trains, planes, and automobiles...oh, and a sailboat

Me at the helm with the GGB in the background

Jay and Robert

In 12 hours it's back on the plane for Afghanistan. When asked, most people always say,"it was too short" in response to "How was R and R?" So how was mine? Too short. It is so nice to be home. And to see E. And to take long showers. And eat good food. And see my friends. And go dancing. And get a REAL smoothie (note to self: get one in the morning). I wonder how many people don't come back? Worry not sports fans, I am going back.  It was a whirlwind weekend. I taught ACLS on Friday then rode the train to Sacramento and took  a cab to the hotel. As we were checking in we saw the "free shuttle to Amtrak" sign. Now you tell us. Then dance workshop and Ball on Saturday. Off to see my friend Mary Sunday morning and Mom and Dad on Sunday night. Well Dad, anyway. Long story. Sailing this morning with my friend Robert on my other friends Jay and Jeannie's boat and then a really good dinner at Firefly in San Francisco and..I'm exhausted. I need to go back to Afghanistan for some rest. Not a lot of sailing in KAF. Well, there is the Poo pond, but let's not go there. Literally. While we were out someone jumped off of the Golden Gate Bridge, right in front of a ferry. I can only imagine the Captain trying to distract the tourists by saying "everyone look off the Port side..." Too bad. Not what you want to see on vacation. The Coast Guard kept making an announcement to keep a sharp look out for someone in the water. The ferry was parked right next to it. How much sharper of a lookout did the Coastie want them to be? She kept making the announcement and the Ferry Captain kept telling her that he was standing by next to the body. Ah government efficiency, how I've missed you so.
We flew Southwest airlines back from Indiana. So nice. No expectations, so no disappointments. Just some sodas and a bag of snacks and nice flight attendants. One sang at the end of the flight. And then at the end of her announcement said,"...and if you're connecting with another airline, we just don't care." Gotta love that.
I think that the longer that you're on leave, the harder it would be to go back. So many people that I didn't get to see. Sorry guys, next time. You're welcome to come visit me...well, not really. Ain't a lot of stuff for tourists to do. Not a lot for residents to do, either. But I'm off to the friendly skies. First to DC then change planes to Dubai. Overnight in Dubai then back to the beach without an ocean. Who knows what trouble I will get into over three days of traveling. Because I am flying United and they just don't care...

Here comes the rain again....

OK, sorry now you have to get that song out of your head. As I look out the window I see blue skies. The irony here is that all of my rain gear is in Afghanistan. Who'd a thunk it? I almost washed my car. Just out of habit. Or reverse habit, if there is such a thing. I 'm so used to driving a dirty car that it seemed normal to have it dirty but I had this strong compulsion to finally drive something clean. Drive it at 65. Weeeeeeeee. Funny how I'm a 70-75mph kinda guy normally but now that I am "Mr. rule follower" I am right at the speed limit. I have failed to signal a couple of times because the turn signal seems to be on the wrong side of the steering wheel. Haven't gotten in on the wrong side yet. Can't wait until I come home next time, that will be in 6 months and I'll be all kind a mixed up.
The bad haircut is gone. Out I went to see my man, Al to work his magic on my huge head. It is interesting to look in the mirror at the guy who is cutting your hair and see a "WTF?" look on his face. I remember my previous barber telling me "I'm a beautician, not a magician" but Al my pal, worked his magic. No more haircuts for me. Well, not until November, anyway. You know it's bad when the other beautician yells from across the room that "it'll grow out better now." Thank you for your support.
We are off to the the-a-ter tonight. Quick lunch a my PA school first. Maybe I should get dressed up. For the theater that is. If only I could remember how to tie a tie........

Have banjo, have knee, will travel...

Ok, so no banjo, but California here I come. Spent yesterday at the Indianapolis motor speedway. They have some big race there but I can't remember the name. Anyway, it was way cool.  Those Indy cars are noisy. Trying to get their picture as they zoom by at over 100 mph is a challenge. I gave E  a ration about trying to get video, lots of blur and pictures of grass. Then I tried it. Got pictures of blurry grass. So no Wide World of Sports camera work for me.

This bloggerator thingy wasn't working yesterday so I guess I need to catch up. I am here for the dedication of a WW II C-47, the military version of the DC-3, that E's dad flew in WW II over the Burma-India-China hump. It has the nose art painted on it from "Do it," his plane.

Amy in her royal wedding hat in the cockpit

It is at the Grissom Air Museum in beautiful Kokomo, Indiana. Not the middle of nowhere but you could see it from the cockpit. Really nice people, who have worked really hard to reproduce Jim Haus's plane. The family worked really hard to get Dad out there, but at 94 it was just too much for him to travel. He was well represented by all of the children, including Bob who helped paint it in "Haus gray," a new color that was produced and named, just for the event. It was a very cool event complete with a military fly over of old airplanes. I'd attach the picture but they just look like dots in the sky. Well maybe it not, here goes...

And the weather was predicted to be bad but it remained nice until after the ceremony, then it rained. Just like at the "Brickyard" where it was nice for awhile then poured. Luckily we were prepared. We had stopped at a Sporting goods store and bought rain ponchos. That we left at the hotel room. So we bought official Indy 500 rain ponchos. And boy are they sexy-

Amazing how E can look cute no matter what and I always look like a dork. "Beauty and the Dork" new from Pixar...

Here's a link about the ceremony:
C-47 dedicated for WWII pilot Jim Haus

Day two of long showers and fast internet

So, I bought a new computer from Amazon two months ago. They don't ship to APO's so I had it sent home and E mailed  it to me.  Where it is now, nobody knows. One theory is that it is stuck in customs. Another is that someone else is enjoying it. Awhile ago I bought a cheap used ibook to use as my "disposable" computer. I have a Dell laptop that, like all computers, hates me. My ibook tolerates me and I am using it right now. So, here I am with my super fast internet that this little fellow can't keep up with. So, what to do? I cannot file for the insurance from the USPS for 70 days. But I am tired of schlepping my work computer back and forth from the clinic to my room each day. And there are shiny Apple stores here in Pit. So I will go and buy my second MAC today. After I ordered my computer, they had them for sale at the PX. But, fat in the knowledge that mine was on the way,  I laughed in the general direction of the shiny new MACbook pros. But it was all for not. Now here I am in the land of the Grand PX, shiny new United airlines credit card in hand. Look out Steve Jobs, here I come.
Of course as long I don't fall asleep first.

Ahhhhhhh

Wow, a long shower, big bed, fast Internet, good, homemade dinner. And so far, no rocket attack. A guy could get used to this. I did, of course, check my email. I couldn't he'p it. Funny, even though there is an "away message" on my email, I still had email addressed to me. My left brain had a conversation with my right brain,"repeat after me, 'We are on vacation.'" I cruised around the stores, drove around and haven't used the windshield wipers as a turn signal yet. And 60mph! Holy cow.  What a thrill. So far, so good with the time difference. I did hit the wall at about 1500. Took a nap and then went and picked E up at the airport. Minus her luggage. It is somewhere between here and San Francisco. Soon to be delivered, to the hotel I'm sure. I woke up mega early, enjoyed a cup of tea and watched the Internet go zooming by on the computer. Wow, didn't have to wait for pages to load or the wind to knock it out or anything. I should stop doing this stuff, I may get used to it. We do have to move rooms, though. The fan in the bathroom is loud and the toilet won't flush completely. Surprising how fast I can turn into an ugly tourist again. I can sleep through F-16s and helicopters but that little fan noise was too much. But, hey, I complained and they actually did something about it. Amazing. Next, I send food back...

Charlie Sheen IS the anti-christ

Hello from Washington, DC. OK, Dulles Airport. I splurged and flew Business class as this is a long day with multiple stops. I am currently in the Red Carpet lounge.  But, no bananas. Dang. I had a  great seat but they had to change equipment at the last minute and we got a 777 that Wilbur and Orville flew. It was a fine aircraft but it had the original entertainment system. One reason that I like to fly United is that you get to listen to air traffic control on the way. It was broken. Now, every other flight in the world had a personal entertainment system on board so you could pick your movies. Not so on United 977 Heavy. It was like being in the 90's with the flight attendants picking the movies. They played the same episode of Two and a Half men for 14 hours. That's 28 times. I watched it 3 times, I was bored. Also if you wanted to watch a movie you had to time it right so you could catch the beginning. I never did . I can tell you how many movies end, I can't tell you the names because I never saw the beginning. Some were in Spanish with Arabic subtitles. Made my head explode. One had Ted Danson, another had Natilie Portman having sex, and Wall-E, but he wasn't having sex. And old spies, but they are too old to have sex. I slept through dinner. They served it at 0100 and I was in full recline mode. I did have breakfast and a cup of tea. That I made myself. The tea not the breakfast.  I think that our expectations are so low for US carriers that if you arrive without crashing into a river, you consider it a success. "Your bags are available for pick up at Pier 7. Oops missed it, Pier 9...." When you clear customs you put "Dubai" as your starting point. Using the "A" word could cause problems.
My two patients were aboard that I sent home. I needed to pay $10 to Kenyan airways for one of them. It was  a "medical tax" or something but I couldn't find the Rep. so I never paid it. I hope he got on. Last I saw him he was in the VIP lounge.  Nice.
Well, time for more tea,  Had to ask for the pin number for the internet. You'd think that they would give it to you when you checked it,. Gee, where do they think they are, Afghanistan?

24 and a wake-up and I am outta here

The minutes are tic ticking as I count down the hours until I board the freedom bird to Dubai and then to the Estados Unidos. There is a procedure here to check out and it involves a lot of running around and documenting numbers and signing forms and going to briefings and getting shots. All frustrating, all worth it. Maybe because I didn't need any shots.
There is a big hole in front of our clinic. There's a bunch of them going down the street. I think they are putting in underground power lines or something but it's a giant hole none the less. The other night we had a big wind storm and it knocked down the fencing around the hole. In the morning I noticed this danger spot and thought it best that we set the signs back up as getting hurt on your way to sick call probably isn't cool. I enlisted the help of two of the Medics as one of the signs was resting precariously close to the edge. My plan was that we would gently grab it together and safely move it away from the edge and replace the temporary fencing. Simple, right? But where are we campers? That's right, Afghanistan where plans mean nothing. I was just about to explain my plan when Cliff reached in to grab the sign and knocked it into the bottom of the big deep hole. Well done, lad. He turned to me and said, "I'm not the guy to have around in an emergency." Really? Would have never guessed.  No shit, Sherlock. Thank you for your help. Ummm, ok, moving on. We redid the fence as best we could and I went for my morning granola. I ran into the guy who was fixing the fences and explained our plight and could he get a crew and fix the fence. Apparently he went down to the clinic, looked down in the hole and went inside to ask what happened. The reply? "Ah, gee we don't know..." Ah, that's my boys...

Caution: The contents of this blog may cause nausea, vomiting, blurred vision, hair loss, and the heart break of psoriasis

Tomorrow I get to send myself home. R and R here I come! The weird thing that I realized is that the plane outta here will have all the patients that I have sent home this week on it. Including the guy from below. Don't look, it's gross.

I am sad to report that my Uncle Ken died of pancreatic cancer in England day before yesterday. My Uncle Stan, who lives in Australia, sent me an email and I got a Skype message from my cousin in England to have my Dad call his sister in England from his house in Manteca, as he doesn't have a computer. Ain't technology great? The weirder part? I am closer to England than both of them. Dad can't go to the funeral and neither can Uncle Stan as both of their wives don't fly. My Uncle Stan is married to an Eileen. Eileen Caplin. He told me about my Uncle Ken's wife Eileen. I told him that it's hard to keep all of these Eileens straight and then he remembered that her name is actually Vivian. Which is good because I bought a sympathy card and was about to mail it from the British Post Office to Eileen Caplin #2 when he sent me another email correcting the name. He's in his 80's so it's OK. I am just impressed that he can email. Next time I am double checking in my snail mail address book. Remember those? You have all these entries that have been crossed out as your friends move, get married, get divorced, etc. Then come Christmas time you get really confused because you can't remember which address is current? Or what your friend changed her last name to. No, only me? Fine. Use your computer labels. Actually we did that a couple of years ago.

Spent yesterday morning in morning crisis mode. Got a call from one of the Medics about a guy who couldn't pee for 20 hours. {Insert grimace, "ouch" here} They tried to put a catheter in him but no go, so he got a helicopter ride. Except we had thunderstorms and he might possibly not be able to get out and what did he want me to do?  First, tell him to stop jumping up and down, bent over on one leg. Second start praying to the weather Gods. That actually worked and he was medevac'd to the Role 3 where they got a cath in him and drained out 2000cc of fluid. I heard the "Ahhhh" from my office. Talk about the pause that refreshes. We can't take the Foley cath out and I need to send him home to see an urologist on a commercial flight. So the Role 3 nurses and I are trying to figure out how to disguise it. First find shoes to match his bag...

My morning routine is to go and buy a "smoothie" and a granola with hot milk. While there a guy asked if he could talk to me about a problem. I never say no, so I sat down and heard about his problem which was “a little hole in my foot." "Come down and see me at sick call," says I, "and I'll take care of it."

He said he had a little bit of diabetes in the past and was concerned about foot care, which is always a concern with diabetics. So, as I was reading my email in my office, one of the medics, Zach (or Jack as Karki calls him, he can't pronounce Z's) stood in the doorway looking pale. "Um Doc, you may want to come look at this, I'm not sure what to do with his foot." No worries. We'll put a dressing on it or maybe some stitches. I entered the room and saw this:  {insert content warning here, really, don't look}

 You looked, didn't you? Couldn't help it, I know. That is a dead toe. And its neighbor ain't in too good shape, either. And, he gets to sit next to me on the plane to Dubai, next to Foley cath guy. Awesome!

Isn't our Maitre d' nice, dear? Yes, and heavily armed.

Only changes here are Marines checking IDs everywhere. PX and Dfacs. Very polite but very serious. Fine by me.
We have xray capabilities here. Larry, our Chief Radiology Tech and botttle washer is on R and R, so we are on hold. We are on generator power here which must be from World War two with a back up generator from WW I. After he shoots the Xray the cassettes go in a digital processor which is run by two computers. We took a chest xray and every time we tried to develop it the generator would surge and "PFFFT" the computer shut down. One more time, same thing. Start again, same thing with the addition of burning up the surge protector. Off to the PX to buy more and a call to IT. Three days later I had an xray. Poor patient came back to the Clinic at 0800, 1600, 0800,  1600, finally we told him that we would call him. Being in Afghanistan he completely understood. If this were the US complaints would be flying back and forth, but not here. We just take this sort of thing in stride.  His xray was normal, btw. I sent his case to a Pulmonologist in Bethesda, which is way cool.
We refer to special forces like the SEALS as "secret squirrels." Only us old guys understand the significance. Go ahead, Google it. Any time there's a closed door meeting or if it is "need to know" we say that it's secret squirrel stuff. Sometimes I feel like it's the blind leading the blind here. More like Morocco Mole. "Seeeeecret."...

OBL killed, Donald Trump pissed."I was that close to getting his birth certificate." Trump says

Wow, big news. For about an hour here. Then back to work. Was the talk at lunch but it really doesn't affect us. Security will be tighter. But we are fighting the Taliban, not Al Queda. OBL was up the street in Pakistan. We will probably get more rocket attacks. Al Queda will fight back but they will wait untill we have let our guard down. Ok, not we as in us, we as in you guys back home. We don't let our guard down here. As you walk along you always plan where to go in case of rocket attack. I have my passport on me in case I have to leave in a hurry. I always have two flashlights on me and a knife. Usually for opening packages. Takes me a half hour to change pants because of all of the stuff that I have in them. Always wear my dog tags. I always think about treating mass casualties should one happen in front of me. Someone asks for my ID, I smile and show it to them and move on. We bitch a lot here but we don't complain. Soldiers and Marines first.   I let the sailors go ahead, but that's just me. We live in  a giant fort, kind of like prison but with better food. And 5 PX's. Are we worried? Not really. Just part of the gig, really. Part of life here. I'm surrounded by heavily armed folk. Unusual to see someone without a weapon. Maybe that's why we are so nice to each other. Heavily armed Marines guarding the Dfac and checking Id's. Very polite but serious. In 5 days I'll be home. Then I'll worry about my security....

It's one am, do you know where your PA is?

Ok so it's 0145. Just got back from clinic from handling an emergency. Part of the gig. As the Role 3 will tell you, they are not an emergency room, they are a trauma center, so we try and handle emergencies as best we can and refer patients over there if needed. Perferably between 0800 and 2000 when their Urgent Care is open. It is hard scheduling these emergencies. I have officially run out of ideas on this patient. Allergic to something. Antihistamines (H1 and H2 blockers for those following along at home) plus steroid shot plus epinephrine  and now pills. I think that the cause is in the living accomodation so movement to another abode for the night. Quite common here. All the stuff from outside gets caught in the a/c unit or old insulation gets torn down and mixes with our lovely air quality and bingo, hives. And a lovely trip to beutiful Dubai to visit an allergist. Thank you for playing.
I am 7 days away from R and R. I just realized that it's actually 6. I fly to Dubai on Saturday, wait until it turns Sunday at 0100 and fly out on the Friendly Skies. This could of been bad, sports fans 'cause there ain't no flight out of KAF on Sunday. "Hello United? See I'm not that bright and I got my days mixed up and forgot that Saturday becomes Sunday but it stays Sunday 'cause I leave Sunday with a half hour time difference and arrive Sunday because there's a 12 hours difference in the US and it's like a time warp thing and anyway ...Hello? Hello?" Must be the internet phone.
Ok I need sleep I'm up in 4 hours. See ya...

I know that the old girl is on Facebook but can she Skype?

So far no word from the Queen about my Knighthood/Earlhood/Lordhood. For now, just to be safe, you may address me as  "Your Lordship." So much better than "Hey dumbass." Her Majesty is very touchy about these things, you know. Maybe I shouldn't of emailed  the Prince of Wales with "how's it hanging Chuck?" in the subject line. Too informal? Maybe so. I'll keep an eye on the mail.
I mailed a letter to my aunt in England from the british post office.  75 cents. Was hoping for free, but I'm not a British soldier, so that may explain it.  They are watching there too, just in case my notice goes to the wrong place. Maybe I should talk to the Canadians as well. Can't be too careful, you know. Maybe I should hit up all of the commonwealth countries. Alert the Aussies! G'day Mate, any mail for me? With like the royal coat of arms on it? No. What does "bugger off"  mean anyway?
Busy day yesterday solved 6 of 8 crisisisisis. We had suture class again on our donated chicken parts. Beautiful boneless,  skinless chicken breasts. We thought about taking them back to the Ddfac. "Does this chicken taste stringy to you?"
Here's a picture of "Z" with her masterpiece: