My first weekend in KAF

It's Monday morning and it's raining like a big dog. Many disadvantages to that. One the bathroom is around the corner; way around the corner. Also, we live in dirt. Water + dirt=mud. Nothing like gearing up just to pee. I did bring mud boots so, bring it on. Not really, not feeling the mud. Am trying to find a broom for ole 229. Must say room-service and housekeeping are lacking here at the muddy Marriot. Must mention that when I check out. In 51 weeks. Saturday was Afghan bizarre day on base. We can't go out so they bring the people to us. You name it, they got it.  We have dvds of stuff you guys are seeing on the big screen.We work 7 days a week so no days off. The computer and I are having a truce. The phone not so much. So back it went. HAve one that works and charges. A little negotiating was in order. Had to drown my sorrows with a cup of tea and a sausage roll at the British Tea Shop. Here's some pictures of the clinic. One is of my office with Dennis the boss. A fellow PA and kindred spirit. We laugh a lot during the day. And a fair amount of swearing too. Good thing me Mum ain't here. Like our emergency number?9-1-1it ain't.

Home sweet home

Attention Taliban-this picture does not constitute any permission, either implied or explict to launch a RPG at my domicile. Doing so will constitute a violation of the terms of service for this blog and may be subject to penalties both monetary and me saying bad things about you to my friends...

They let me drive and shit...

I write this on a sunny Saturday afternoon in KAF. I am in my office with my shiny new computer. Of course it hates me as all computers do. I was given a cell phone that refuses to hold a charge. It too hates me. But I have free range of our vehicles.They seem not to hate me.  I was cruising around in our Toyota pick up. Right hand drive, and we drive american style on teh right. Top speed 20kpm (kilometers per hour) Actually got in third gear at one point. I only turned on the windshield wipers instead of the turn signal like 100 times. I am enjoying my job. I have added a long ass signature page at the end of my email:

Mark Caplin PA-C, MICP
Clinical Supervisor KAF Region
Onsite OHS, Inc.
LOGCAP IV, Afghanistan, South AOR

Apo AE, 09355
Roshan - 079-411-5661
VOIP - (817) 224-6551
Cell: 079-411-5434
SKYPE - mark.caplin1

mark.caplin@onsiteohs.com

 

Tre cool no?

My mailing address is similar:

Mark Caplin

Dyncorp KAF clinic
LOGCAP IV, South AOR

Apo AE, 09355

a touring and a shopping we will go

So I have an official job. Clinically overseeing the KAF clinic (where I am) and some FOBs (forward operating base) Medics. There are PAs and an NP in the field overseeing other stuff. Also helping with new Medic orientation. Our medics don't really do paramedic stuff. They do more PA stuff. It is based on the Navy Independent Duty Corpsman model.
Got to go out with Dennis, the boss ( medical director, he's a PA also) and saw cool stuff. Can't tell you about any of it. Turns out the Taliban reads this stuff. Hello  boys.........please don't shoot me.
But at the end of the tour was the British compound. With a genuine Tea shop. And store. With REAL Cadbury chocolate. OOOOOOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAA. So after morning sick call I am dragging my skinny english ass down for a cupatea. And maybe a Cadbury flake. or Smarties. Also there's a British DIFAC (chow hall),  toad-in-the-hole here I come.
Did some actual PA stuff. I guy was sent down for a rule out appendicitis. We lost him in the system. 9 hours,flew all over afghanistan, does that make him a medical tourist? Later he arrived. I examined him, put him in our ambulance and took him to the Navy hospital for surgery. Earned my pay.
I got my Skype to work, kinda. Talked to Eileen which was great. I realized that this little iBook ain't gonna make it. Time to upgrade. They sell pc's in the PX bought I think I'll stick with MAC. Will have a pc in my office. Went serious shopping in the PX. Some home touches for E229. My home I bought a desk lamp. Well, not really a desk lamp. It's a clip lamp. We have a 1000 earthquakes a year here. So things tend to rattle of of your desk. I did, however forget a bulb. Duh. So another night of fun under the fluorescence.

Day four; we have KAF card......

Free at last. Turned in my temporary pass that won't allow me to go anywhere without an escort for a shiny new unlimited access KAF card. Yea. The folks who I flew here with still have the "orange badge of shame," so, of course, I had to flaunt my shiny new KAF card. I'm supportive like that.
Today was orientation day. Standard new employee orientation. Benefits, time cards, what to do if someone fires an RPG at you. I would say, Sir, please don't fire that grenade at me."  Or I would just lie flat on my face. We also had our security briefing about posting on Facebook. Forget EVERYTHING that I told you before. K?  Some details in the future may have to be way vague.
So chillin' at ole conex two-two-niner. Home away from home. now to figure out how to get from here to the bunker........

The Eagle has landed

Well, I made it. After flying over miles and miles of desert, we landed at Kandahar airbase, Afghanistan. Had rained that morning so just a weeeeee bit muddy. We stood in line a lot and were given the dreaded "orange card of death" In order to walk around the base you need a "KAF" card. But those take a day or two to make, so you are given a temporary card that says you must be escorted at all times. To go anywhere. I got my card then someone from from Onsite came and whisked me away to the clinic. A quick welcome briefing, knowing that my brain was way too tired and whirrring around in my head to absorb any important information I was assigned an escort that took me to get my helmet, kevlar and sleeping bag. Then a tour of the PX, which is impressive and shown where the chow hall is. Can't go to any of these places alone. Come on KAF card.....
Am writing this from Conex Box 229. Second floor. With a view. Of the "poopy pond" Downwind from it a matter of fact. My temporary digs. 10 by 20 box. Not a tent. Toilet downstairs. It has an internet cable. Cool, a jail cell with DSL....

Day two. Or is three? Maybe One and a half.....

Greeting from sunny (sandy) Dubai.  Half the fun of travel is getting there...especially if you fly United. I was four pounds over on one of my suitcases and they wanted to charge me $200! So I unpacked got it down to 51 pounds and they let it go. Along with the other suitcase, so I had to beg my new friends to trake my stuff. Thank you Margaret. Then I needed to check some medical supplies, let's say it together..'$200'  "
How many carry on bags Am I allowed?" "Two" turns out. Ok then I guess I have a $299 carry on. My final comment to the agent, "I wonder why people hate United?"  But then at the gate I gate checked it because of a small airplane. "Do you want this checked to Dubai?" the agent asked. " Why yes, I do," I said. Take that United........
I write this at 3am. That's 3pm for you and my brain. Am sleeping on a couch in an industrial apartment. Last guy here gets the couch. Came back from disco dancing and my Kenyan roommate had made my bed. Cool.
The advantage of being an old guy at a disco is that I actually danced. Too old to pose. Of course I came back broke after everyone borrowed Dubai Dirhams. My drink was either a nickle or three hundred dollars, I'm not sure.......

Day One, well sorta kind maybe.....

My foray into being an obnoxious blogger. An update: I have taken a position as a PA in Afghanistan. Yes I'm crazy. The company is called OnsiteOHS. Going for a year with a break every 4 months. Not sure where, not sure what I'll be doing. Living in a tent of some kind. Apparently limited room-service. Bound to be fun though...
Last days have been spent at a Marriott hotel in Ft. Worth "Processing." Including shots, which I ended up helping to give. First aid class which ended with a "two minute drill," a kind of test with mass casualties and darkness.  We rocked that. Also classes on all the stuff that can kill you. Hey no-one mentioned snakes! Quick old guy reference ,"I don't like spiders and snakes but that ain't what it takes..." Now get that song out of your head.
We leave for Dubai today. I will miss my new PA friend, Eric. He's going to Kuwait to take the position that I turned down. E has been here with me, which was great. She's headed back West this morning. Our last breakfast together.
More to follow.
Cheers